Office
OpenOffice - office suite
PC Suite 602 - office suite
AbiWord - text editor
Atlantis Nova - text editor
Microsoft PowerPoint Viewer - power point files viewer
Adobe Reader - pdf reader
Foxit PDF Reader - pdf reader
PDFCreator - create pdf documents
Doc Convertor - document convertor
Convert - unit convertor
Converber - unit convertor
Sunbird - calendar/organizer
EssentialPIM Free - calendar/organizer
PhraseExpress - speed up your writing
ATnotes - create notes on the desktop
Archive managers
7-Zip - compression program
IZArc - compression program
TugZIP - compression program
CabPack - compression program
Universal Extractor - extract files from any type of archive
Internet
Firefox - web browser
Internet Explorer- web browser
Maxthon - web browser
Opera - web browser
Avant Browser - web browser
Thunderbird - email client
PopTray - check for emails
Free Download Manager - download manager
FlashGet - download manager
WellGet - download manager
Download Master - download manager
WGET - commandline download manager
HTTrack - offline browser
WebReaper - offline browser
Yeah Reader - RSS reader
GreatNews - RSS reader
RSSOwl - RSS reader
P2P this is sharing files on your computer with someone else
.
?Torrent - torrent client
Azureus - torrent client
BitComet - torrent client
ABC - torrent client
BitTornado - torrent client
eMule - p2p client
SoulSeek - p2p client
Shareaza - p2p client
DC++ - Direct Connect network client
PeerGuardian - IP blocker
Chat
Miranda - chat client
MSN Messenger - chat client
Yahoo Messenger - chat client
QIP - chat client
Gaim - chat client
JAJC - chat client
HydraIRC - IRC client
Talkative IRC - IRC client
IceChat - IRC client
Skype - VOIP client
Google Talk - VOIP client
VoipStunt - VOIP client
Gizmo - VOIP client
Wengo - VOIP client
Security
AVG Free - antivirus
Avast Home Free - antivirus
AntiVir PersonalEdition - antivirus
BitDefender Free - antivirus
ClamWin - antivirus
CyberDifender - Internet Security Suite
Ad-aware - anti-spyware
Spybot: Search & Destroy - anti-spyware
Windows Defender - anti-spyware
SpywareBlaster - anti-spyware
Spyware Terminator - anti-spyware
Tootkit Reveaker - rootkit detection utility
Winpooch - system protection
HiJack Free - system protection
HighJackThis - hijackers detector and remover
Kerio Personal Firewall - firewall
Sygate Personal Firewall - firewall
ZoneAlarm - firewall
AxCrypt - file encryption
Simple File Shredder - securely delete files
PuTTy - SSH client
KeePass - password manager
LockNote - password manager
nPassword - password manager
Microsoft Baseline Security Analyzer - identify security misconfigurations
Network
Hamachi - VPN client
RealVNC - remote control
UltraVNC - remote control
Ethereal - local area network administration
The Dude - network administration
Wireshark - network administration
Angry IP Scanner - IP scanner
IP-Tools - IP scanner
Free Port Scanner - IP scanner
NetMeter - network bandwidth monitoring
Servers
FileZilla - FTP client
FileZilla Server - FTP server
EFTP - FTP client/server
XAMPP - integrated server package of Apache, mySQL, PHP and Perl
WAMP - Apache, PHP5 and MySQL server
Audio
Foobar2000 - audio player
WinAmp - audio player
1by1 - audio player
JetAudio - audio player
XMPlay - audio player
Xion - audio player
Apollo - audio player
MediaMonkey - music organizer
The GodFather - music organizer
dBpowerAMP - audio converter
Audacity - audio converter
WavePad - audio converter
Kristal Audio Engine - audio editor
Exact Audio Copy - CD ripper
Audiograbber - CD ripper
CDex - CD ripper
Mp3 Tag Tools - tag editor
Mp3tag - tag editor
Taggin? MP3 - tag editor
Monkey?s Audio - APE compressor/decompre ssor
mpTrim - mp3 editor
WavTrim - wave editor
EncSpot Basic - analyse mp3 files
Video
Windows Media Player - audio/video player
VLC - video player
Media Player Classic - video player
MV2Player - video player
CrystalPlayer 1.95 - video player
Zoom Player - video player
GOM Player - video player
viPlay - video player
DSPlayer - video player
VirtualDub - video editor
CamStudio - video screen recording
AviSplit - Avi splitter
Video mp3 Extractor - rip audio from video files
Free iPod Converter - convert all popular video formats to iPod video
MediaPortal - turning your PCinto a Media Center
The FilmMachine
Image
Gimp - image editor
PhotoFiltre - image editor
Paint.net - image editor
ArtRage - image editor
Artweaver - image editor
IrfanView - image viewer
Picasa - image viewer
XnView - image viewer
FastStone Image Viewer - image viewer
FuturixImager - image viewer
Easy Thumbnails - create thumbnails from images
JoJoThumb - create thumbnails from images
iWebAlbum - create web photo albums
JAlbum - create web photo albums
3D Box Shot Maker - design quality box shot
FastStone Capture - screen capture
WinSnap - screen capture
3D
Blender3D - 3D renderer
3Delight Free - 3D renderer
SketchUp - 3D modeling
Maya Learning Edition - 3D modeling
Developers
AutoIt - task automation
SciTE4AutoIt3 - text editor for AutoIt
AutoHotkey - task automation
PHP Designer - PHP editor
Notepad++ - text editor
ConTEXT Editor - text editor
PSPad - text editor
FoxEditor - text editor
Crimson Editor - source code editor
Elfima Notepad - text editor
Notepad2 - text editor
Nvu - HTML editor
Alleycode - HTML editor
BlockNote - web page editor
Weaverslave - web page editor
CD/DVD
DeepBurner - CD/DVD burner
CDBurner XP Pro - CD/DVD burner
BurnAtOnce - CD/DVD burner
Express Burn - CD/DVD burner
Zilla CD-DVD Rip?n?Burn - CD/DVD burner
ImgBurn - ISO, BIN burner
Daemon tools - virtual CD/DVD
DVD Decrypter - DVD ripper
DVD Shrink - DVD ripper
Nero CD-DVD Speed - CD/DVD info and quality test
Codecs
GSpot - codec information
AC3Filter - audio codec
Xvid - video codec
QuickTime Alternative - video codec
Real Alternative - video codec
K-Lite Codec Pack - all codecs
System Ulilities
CCleaner - system cleaner
xp-AntiSpy - OS setup
jv16 Powertools - system utilities
XP SysPad - system monitoring utility
What?s Running - process guard
Registrar Lite - registry editor
WinIPConfig - replacement for ?ipconfig.exe? and ?route.exe?
Unlocker - file eraser
Eraser - secure file eraser
Undelete Plus - file recovery
freeCommander - file manager
ExplorerXP - file manager
Duplicate File Finder - find all duplicate files
Ant Renamer - file renaming
ReNamer - file renaming
Icons From File - icos extractor
Chaos MD5 - MD5 generator
HashTab - MD5, SHA1 and CRC-32 file hashes
Rainlendar Lite - desktop calendar
Weather Watcher - weather firecast
Subtitle Workshop - subtitles editor
Ant Movie Catalog - movie organizer
Disclib - CD organizer
Dexpot - virtual desktops
DriveImage XML - create partition images
MozBackup - backup and restore bookmarks, etc.
SyncBack - system backup
Atomic Cock Sync - syncronize your clock
Citrus Alarm Clock - alarm clock
TaskSwitchXP - Alt-Tab replacement
Launchy - application launcher
allSnap - make all windows snap
Sysinternals Tools - various system tools
StrokeIt - mouse gestures
Net Profiles - create profiles of your network settings
ResourceHacker - view, modify, rename, add, delete
Java Runtime Environment - java for Windows
UI Enhancements
RocketDock - application launcher
AveDesk - desktop enhancer
IconPhile - customize windows?s system icons
CursorXP Free - change mouse cursors
MacSound - volume control
LClock - Windows Longhorn clock
Y?z Dock - application launcher
Y?z Shadow - shadow effect to the windows
Y?z Toolbar - change the toolbar icons in Explorer and Internet Explorer
Taskbar Shuffle - rearrange the programs on the taskbar by dragging
Visual Task Tips - thumbnail preview image for each task in the taskbar
Badges - put badges on any folder or file
Folderico - change icons of the folders
Folder Marker - mark your folders
Folder2MyPC - add favourite locations to My Computer
Microsoft TweakUI - system settings
BricoPacks - shell packs
ShellPacks - shell packs
Tango Shell Patcher - shell patcher
XPize - GUI enhancer
Vista Transformation Pack - complete visual style
Vista Sound Scheme - Windows Vista sound scheme
Royale Theme - visual style
Hardware monitoring/Benchmar king
CPU-Z - cpu information
CrystalCPUID - cpu information
Central Brain Identifier - cpu information
Everest - system information
SiSoft Sandra - system information
SpeedFan - hardware monitor
Memtest86 - memory test
PowerMax - HDD test
3Dmark 06 - 3D game performance benchmark
Aquamark - performance benchmark
rthdribl - 3D benchmark
Fraps - 3D benchmark, fps viewer and screen recorder
Prime 95 - cpu benchmarking
SuperPI - cpu benchmarking
CPU Rightmark - cpu overclock
Core Temp - cpu temperature
ATiTool - video overclock
ATI Tray Tools - Radeon tweaker
aTuner - GeForce and Radeontweaker
RivaTuner - video overclock
Nokia Monitor Test - monitor adjustmets
UDPixel - fix dead pixels
Games
123 Free Solitaire - solitaire games collection
Arcade Pack - classic arcade games
Live For Speed - online racing simulator
Enigma - puzzle game
Freeciv - multiplayer strategy game
Tux Racer - race down steep, snow-covered mount?ins
Education
SpeQ Mathematics - mathematics program
Dia - diagram creation program
Google Earth - explore the world
NASA World Wind - 3D virtual globe
Celestia - explore the space
Stellarium - planetarium
Miscellaneous
nLite - Build your own custom Windows disk.
VirtualPC - create virtual machines
grabMotion - webcam capture
iDailyDiary - simple page-for-a-day diary
Pivot Stickfigure Animator - create stick-figure animations
Wink - create presentations
Scribus - professional page layout
FreeMind - mind mapping software
Windows Live Writer - WYSIWYG blog authoring
Wallpapers
Michael Swanson - 1920 x 1200; 1600 x 1200; amazing wallpapers
Mikhail Arkhipov - 1920 x 1200; 1600 x 1200; amazing wallpapers
Friday, June 22, 2007
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Stop Emotional Eating With These 3 Quick Tips
It's been called the number one saboteur of weight loss plans everywhere, whether low carb or low fat, diet or natural weight loss. It's the dreaded E. E.
Emotional Eating. If you've ever binged on brownies out of boredom, downed French fries out of frustration, or inhaled apple pie out of anger, you know the damage emotional eating can do to even the best weight loss efforts.
In fact, it's been estimated that 75% of overeating is caused by emotions. (Translation: BIG problem for weight loss)
Although Emotional Eating is a serious problem and often has deep roots, it can be overcome. You don't have live your life as a slave to emotional eating. With that in mind, I've listed the 3 quick tips to help you stop emotional eating (and begin losing weight!).
1. Be Happy! I know, it sounds simple but it works! How tempted are you to eat emotionally when you are happy, challenged, living and enjoying life to the fullest? When you're excited about life, you don't NEED food for that quick pick-me-up!
Take some time every day to reflect on what gives you joy in your life. Are you moving in that direction? Find things to be happy about. Be thankful for special people in your life. Do something outrageously fun - whatever it takes! Happiness will ward off the worst case of emotional eating blues!
2. Have a Nurture List. Make a list of all the ways you can nurture yourself besides eating. It might be taking a bubble bath or going shopping at your favorite boutique. Anything that you really enjoy.
I call this my "backup list". All the things I can do besides eating that involve major self-care. If money is tight, make a list of free things you can do instead of eating. Put it up where you can see it. It's amazing what happens when you give yourself options!
3. Practice Prevention. Stop emotional eating before it starts! How many times do we start to feel a little blue or bored, and then continue on without addressing it? Before we know it, we're in a full-scale emotional storm and it's really hard to fight off that call of the brownies or the potato chips.
Be vigilant. If something bothers you, address it right away, even if it's only within your own head, and then deal with it. You can prevent a lot of emotional eating temptations if you practice prevention this way!
Conclusion
By practicing these quick tips, you'll save yourself from a lot of unwanted calories and emotional eating frustration. Try them and enjoy the results of a smaller waistline when you lose weight!
Emotional Eating. If you've ever binged on brownies out of boredom, downed French fries out of frustration, or inhaled apple pie out of anger, you know the damage emotional eating can do to even the best weight loss efforts.
In fact, it's been estimated that 75% of overeating is caused by emotions. (Translation: BIG problem for weight loss)
Although Emotional Eating is a serious problem and often has deep roots, it can be overcome. You don't have live your life as a slave to emotional eating. With that in mind, I've listed the 3 quick tips to help you stop emotional eating (and begin losing weight!).
1. Be Happy! I know, it sounds simple but it works! How tempted are you to eat emotionally when you are happy, challenged, living and enjoying life to the fullest? When you're excited about life, you don't NEED food for that quick pick-me-up!
Take some time every day to reflect on what gives you joy in your life. Are you moving in that direction? Find things to be happy about. Be thankful for special people in your life. Do something outrageously fun - whatever it takes! Happiness will ward off the worst case of emotional eating blues!
2. Have a Nurture List. Make a list of all the ways you can nurture yourself besides eating. It might be taking a bubble bath or going shopping at your favorite boutique. Anything that you really enjoy.
I call this my "backup list". All the things I can do besides eating that involve major self-care. If money is tight, make a list of free things you can do instead of eating. Put it up where you can see it. It's amazing what happens when you give yourself options!
3. Practice Prevention. Stop emotional eating before it starts! How many times do we start to feel a little blue or bored, and then continue on without addressing it? Before we know it, we're in a full-scale emotional storm and it's really hard to fight off that call of the brownies or the potato chips.
Be vigilant. If something bothers you, address it right away, even if it's only within your own head, and then deal with it. You can prevent a lot of emotional eating temptations if you practice prevention this way!
Conclusion
By practicing these quick tips, you'll save yourself from a lot of unwanted calories and emotional eating frustration. Try them and enjoy the results of a smaller waistline when you lose weight!
ENJOY WITH LALOO................
Laloo Prasssad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.
A few days later he got this reply:
Dear Mr Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence.
No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Bill Gates.
Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.
He arranged a press conference : "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai."
Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet -----aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. ---- Tohar Bilva.
A few days later he got this reply:
Dear Mr Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence.
No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Bill Gates.
Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.
He arranged a press conference : "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai."
Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet -----aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee.
No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. ---- Tohar Bilva.
How to break BIOS Password
Have you ever been locked out of an old computer by a forgotten BIOS password? There's no need to get frustrated. It is relatively easy to bypass this safeguard.
Steps
1. Power off the computer and make sure that it is unplugged.
2. Open up your computer case. You need physical access to the motherboard to complete this procedure.
3.
The CMOS Battery looks like this
Enlarge
The CMOS Battery looks like this
Find a circular, (mostly) silver metallic object on the motherboard. This is the CMOS battery.
4. CAREFULLY remove the CMOS battery and leave it out for about 120 seconds. This will flush the CMOS memory which stores the BIOS password and all other configuration. (See Warnings)
5. Set the battery back into place and power on the computer.
6. The computer should then warn you that the CMOS configuration could not be found. You can either reconfigure it yourself or restore defaults. Restoring the default configuration should be fine.
7. You will notice that the BIOS password has been cleared and you can boot without it. You may reset the BIOS password to something else by going into the BIOS configuration and setting a new User Password (The Supervisor Password controls access to the BIOS, NOT the computer!)
Tips
* Depending on the manufacturer of your motherboard, you may be able to use what it is called a "backdoor password" to bypass the password problem. Try looking at the external links for possible passwords.
Warnings
* In rare cases, the battery may be soldered into the motherboard and very difficult to remove. If this is true, you may need to find a jumper near the battery that achieves the same result. Do NOT guess which jumper it is. If it is not labeled, don't mess with it. You may risk damaging your computer.
How to Reset Your BIOS
Here's how to reset your BIOS.
Steps
1. Remove the CMOS battery for 5 minutes, then replace it.
2. Or turn on your computer and press the key on your keyboard to open the BIOS (Usually F1 or the delete key.)
3. Go to the last tab and do restore factory settings.
4. Save and exit.
Alternate Method
1. Find the 3-pin jumper near the battery, connecting the 1st and 2nd pin. Move it to connect the 2nd and 3rd pin and push the POWER button on your PC. Return it to its position.
Tips
* Don't forget to configure the BIOS (if you know how) after this process. If you you don't know how, just hold the "delete" button when starting your PC and when the blue screen appears, find the load safe defaults settings and press:
o ENTER button
o Y button
o F10 button
Warnings
* If you don't know how to configure your BIOS, don't mess with it. You can damage your PC.
* Make sure you computer is unplugging before removing the case. There is a risk of electrical shock.
If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.
Steps
1. Power off the computer and make sure that it is unplugged.
2. Open up your computer case. You need physical access to the motherboard to complete this procedure.
3.
The CMOS Battery looks like this
Enlarge
The CMOS Battery looks like this
Find a circular, (mostly) silver metallic object on the motherboard. This is the CMOS battery.
4. CAREFULLY remove the CMOS battery and leave it out for about 120 seconds. This will flush the CMOS memory which stores the BIOS password and all other configuration. (See Warnings)
5. Set the battery back into place and power on the computer.
6. The computer should then warn you that the CMOS configuration could not be found. You can either reconfigure it yourself or restore defaults. Restoring the default configuration should be fine.
7. You will notice that the BIOS password has been cleared and you can boot without it. You may reset the BIOS password to something else by going into the BIOS configuration and setting a new User Password (The Supervisor Password controls access to the BIOS, NOT the computer!)
Tips
* Depending on the manufacturer of your motherboard, you may be able to use what it is called a "backdoor password" to bypass the password problem. Try looking at the external links for possible passwords.
Warnings
* In rare cases, the battery may be soldered into the motherboard and very difficult to remove. If this is true, you may need to find a jumper near the battery that achieves the same result. Do NOT guess which jumper it is. If it is not labeled, don't mess with it. You may risk damaging your computer.
How to Reset Your BIOS
Here's how to reset your BIOS.
Steps
1. Remove the CMOS battery for 5 minutes, then replace it.
2. Or turn on your computer and press the key on your keyboard to open the BIOS (Usually F1 or the delete key.)
3. Go to the last tab and do restore factory settings.
4. Save and exit.
Alternate Method
1. Find the 3-pin jumper near the battery, connecting the 1st and 2nd pin. Move it to connect the 2nd and 3rd pin and push the POWER button on your PC. Return it to its position.
Tips
* Don't forget to configure the BIOS (if you know how) after this process. If you you don't know how, just hold the "delete" button when starting your PC and when the blue screen appears, find the load safe defaults settings and press:
o ENTER button
o Y button
o F10 button
Warnings
* If you don't know how to configure your BIOS, don't mess with it. You can damage your PC.
* Make sure you computer is unplugging before removing the case. There is a risk of electrical shock.
If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.
How to break BIOS Password
Have you ever been locked out of an old computer by a forgotten BIOS password? There's no need to get frustrated. It is relatively easy to bypass this safeguard.
Steps
1. Power off the computer and make sure that it is unplugged.
2. Open up your computer case. You need physical access to the motherboard to complete this procedure.
3.
The CMOS Battery looks like this
Enlarge
The CMOS Battery looks like this
Find a circular, (mostly) silver metallic object on the motherboard. This is the CMOS battery.
4. CAREFULLY remove the CMOS battery and leave it out for about 120 seconds. This will flush the CMOS memory which stores the BIOS password and all other configuration. (See Warnings)
5. Set the battery back into place and power on the computer.
6. The computer should then warn you that the CMOS configuration could not be found. You can either reconfigure it yourself or restore defaults. Restoring the default configuration should be fine.
7. You will notice that the BIOS password has been cleared and you can boot without it. You may reset the BIOS password to something else by going into the BIOS configuration and setting a new User Password (The Supervisor Password controls access to the BIOS, NOT the computer!)
Tips
* Depending on the manufacturer of your motherboard, you may be able to use what it is called a "backdoor password" to bypass the password problem. Try looking at the external links for possible passwords.
Warnings
* In rare cases, the battery may be soldered into the motherboard and very difficult to remove. If this is true, you may need to find a jumper near the battery that achieves the same result. Do NOT guess which jumper it is. If it is not labeled, don't mess with it. You may risk damaging your computer.
How to Reset Your BIOS
Here's how to reset your BIOS.
Steps
1. Remove the CMOS battery for 5 minutes, then replace it.
2. Or turn on your computer and press the key on your keyboard to open the BIOS (Usually F1 or the delete key.)
3. Go to the last tab and do restore factory settings.
4. Save and exit.
Alternate Method
1. Find the 3-pin jumper near the battery, connecting the 1st and 2nd pin. Move it to connect the 2nd and 3rd pin and push the POWER button on your PC. Return it to its position.
Tips
* Don't forget to configure the BIOS (if you know how) after this process. If you you don't know how, just hold the "delete" button when starting your PC and when the blue screen appears, find the load safe defaults settings and press:
o ENTER button
o Y button
o F10 button
Warnings
* If you don't know how to configure your BIOS, don't mess with it. You can damage your PC.
* Make sure you computer is unplugging before removing the case. There is a risk of electrical shock.
If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.
Steps
1. Power off the computer and make sure that it is unplugged.
2. Open up your computer case. You need physical access to the motherboard to complete this procedure.
3.
The CMOS Battery looks like this
Enlarge
The CMOS Battery looks like this
Find a circular, (mostly) silver metallic object on the motherboard. This is the CMOS battery.
4. CAREFULLY remove the CMOS battery and leave it out for about 120 seconds. This will flush the CMOS memory which stores the BIOS password and all other configuration. (See Warnings)
5. Set the battery back into place and power on the computer.
6. The computer should then warn you that the CMOS configuration could not be found. You can either reconfigure it yourself or restore defaults. Restoring the default configuration should be fine.
7. You will notice that the BIOS password has been cleared and you can boot without it. You may reset the BIOS password to something else by going into the BIOS configuration and setting a new User Password (The Supervisor Password controls access to the BIOS, NOT the computer!)
Tips
* Depending on the manufacturer of your motherboard, you may be able to use what it is called a "backdoor password" to bypass the password problem. Try looking at the external links for possible passwords.
Warnings
* In rare cases, the battery may be soldered into the motherboard and very difficult to remove. If this is true, you may need to find a jumper near the battery that achieves the same result. Do NOT guess which jumper it is. If it is not labeled, don't mess with it. You may risk damaging your computer.
How to Reset Your BIOS
Here's how to reset your BIOS.
Steps
1. Remove the CMOS battery for 5 minutes, then replace it.
2. Or turn on your computer and press the key on your keyboard to open the BIOS (Usually F1 or the delete key.)
3. Go to the last tab and do restore factory settings.
4. Save and exit.
Alternate Method
1. Find the 3-pin jumper near the battery, connecting the 1st and 2nd pin. Move it to connect the 2nd and 3rd pin and push the POWER button on your PC. Return it to its position.
Tips
* Don't forget to configure the BIOS (if you know how) after this process. If you you don't know how, just hold the "delete" button when starting your PC and when the blue screen appears, find the load safe defaults settings and press:
o ENTER button
o Y button
o F10 button
Warnings
* If you don't know how to configure your BIOS, don't mess with it. You can damage your PC.
* Make sure you computer is unplugging before removing the case. There is a risk of electrical shock.
If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results.
CAN'T LOG ON TO Windows XP?
If that's your only problem, then you probably have nothing to worry about. As long as you have your Windows XP CD, you
can get back into your system using a simple but effective method made possible by a little known access hole in Windows
XP.
You can easily change or wipe out your Administrator password for free during a Windows XP Repair. Here's how with a step-by-step
description of the initial Repair process included for newbie's.
1. Place your Windows XP CD in your cd-rom and start your computer (it's assumed here that your XP CD is
bootable ââ,¬âEUROOE as it should be - and that you have your bios set to boot from CD)
2. Keep your eye on the screen messages for booting to your cd Typically, it will be "Press any key to boot
from cd"
3. Once you get in, the first screen will indicate that Setup is inspecting your system and loading files.
4. When you get to the Welcome to Setup screen, press ENTER to Setup Windows now
5. The Licensing Agreement comes next - Press F8 to accept it.
6. The next screen is the Setup screen which gives you the option to do a Repair.
It should read something like "If one of the following Windows XP installations is damaged, Setup can try to
repair it"
Use the up and down arrow keys to select your XP installation (if you only have one, it should already be
selected) and press R to begin the Repair process.
7. Let the Repair run. Setup will now check your disks and then start copying files which can take several
minutes.
8. Shortly after the Copying Files stage, you will be required to reboot. (this will happen automatically ââ,¬âEUROOE you will
see a progress bar stating "Your computer will reboot in 15 seconds"
9. During the reboot, do not make the mistake of "pressing any key" to boot from the CD again! Setup will
resume automatically with the standard billboard screens and you will notice Installing Windows is
highlighted.
10. Keep your eye on the lower left hand side of the screen and when you see the Installing Devices
progress bar, press SHIFT + F10. This is the security hole! A command console will now open up giving you
the potential for wide access to your system.
11. At the prompt, type NUSRMGR.CPL and press Enter. Voila! You have just gained graphical access to
your User Accounts in the Control Panel.
12. Now simply pick the account you need to change and remove or change your password as you prefer. If
you want to log on without having to enter your new password, you can type control userpasswords2 at the
prompt and choose to log on without being asked for password. After you've made your changes close the
windows, exit the command box and continue on with the Repair (have your Product key handy).
13. Once the Repair is done, you will be able to log on with your new password (or without a password if you
chose not to use one or if you chose not to be asked for a password). Your programs and personalized
settings should remain intact.
I tested the above on Windows XP Pro with and without SP1 and also used this method in a real situation where someone
could not remember their password and it worked like a charm to fix the problem. This security hole allows access to more
than just user accounts.
can get back into your system using a simple but effective method made possible by a little known access hole in Windows
XP.
You can easily change or wipe out your Administrator password for free during a Windows XP Repair. Here's how with a step-by-step
description of the initial Repair process included for newbie's.
1. Place your Windows XP CD in your cd-rom and start your computer (it's assumed here that your XP CD is
bootable ââ,¬âEUROOE as it should be - and that you have your bios set to boot from CD)
2. Keep your eye on the screen messages for booting to your cd Typically, it will be "Press any key to boot
from cd"
3. Once you get in, the first screen will indicate that Setup is inspecting your system and loading files.
4. When you get to the Welcome to Setup screen, press ENTER to Setup Windows now
5. The Licensing Agreement comes next - Press F8 to accept it.
6. The next screen is the Setup screen which gives you the option to do a Repair.
It should read something like "If one of the following Windows XP installations is damaged, Setup can try to
repair it"
Use the up and down arrow keys to select your XP installation (if you only have one, it should already be
selected) and press R to begin the Repair process.
7. Let the Repair run. Setup will now check your disks and then start copying files which can take several
minutes.
8. Shortly after the Copying Files stage, you will be required to reboot. (this will happen automatically ââ,¬âEUROOE you will
see a progress bar stating "Your computer will reboot in 15 seconds"
9. During the reboot, do not make the mistake of "pressing any key" to boot from the CD again! Setup will
resume automatically with the standard billboard screens and you will notice Installing Windows is
highlighted.
10. Keep your eye on the lower left hand side of the screen and when you see the Installing Devices
progress bar, press SHIFT + F10. This is the security hole! A command console will now open up giving you
the potential for wide access to your system.
11. At the prompt, type NUSRMGR.CPL and press Enter. Voila! You have just gained graphical access to
your User Accounts in the Control Panel.
12. Now simply pick the account you need to change and remove or change your password as you prefer. If
you want to log on without having to enter your new password, you can type control userpasswords2 at the
prompt and choose to log on without being asked for password. After you've made your changes close the
windows, exit the command box and continue on with the Repair (have your Product key handy).
13. Once the Repair is done, you will be able to log on with your new password (or without a password if you
chose not to use one or if you chose not to be asked for a password). Your programs and personalized
settings should remain intact.
I tested the above on Windows XP Pro with and without SP1 and also used this method in a real situation where someone
could not remember their password and it worked like a charm to fix the problem. This security hole allows access to more
than just user accounts.
Only one
One song can spark a moment,
One flower can wake the dream.
One tree can start a forest,
One bird can herald spring.
One smile begins a friendship,
One handclasp lifts a soul.
One star can guide a ship at sea,
One word can frame the goal
One vote can change a nation,
One sunbeam lights a room
One candle wipes out darkness,
One laugh will conquer gloom.
One step must start each journey.
One word must start each prayer.
One hope will raise our spirits,
One touch can show you care.
One voice can speak with wisdom,
One heart can know what's true,
One life can make a difference,
You see, it's up to you!
If you look at what you do not have in life, you don't have anything,
If you look at what you have in life, you have everything...
One flower can wake the dream.
One tree can start a forest,
One bird can herald spring.
One smile begins a friendship,
One handclasp lifts a soul.
One star can guide a ship at sea,
One word can frame the goal
One vote can change a nation,
One sunbeam lights a room
One candle wipes out darkness,
One laugh will conquer gloom.
One step must start each journey.
One word must start each prayer.
One hope will raise our spirits,
One touch can show you care.
One voice can speak with wisdom,
One heart can know what's true,
One life can make a difference,
You see, it's up to you!
If you look at what you do not have in life, you don't have anything,
If you look at what you have in life, you have everything...
Hands up this is a bank robbery..pretty girls move left..handsome guys right...monkeys to the centre..U there yes u! Dun prtnd 2 read sms..go to the centre!"
Macchar NE aapko kata yeh uska junoon tha.Aapne khuja diya yeh aapka sukoon tha.chah kar bhi aap use maar na sake,kyuki uski rago me aaphika khoon tha
Chaand ko gharoor hay k uske paas noor hay
To kya hua mera yaar bhe to langooor hay
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
Loving what u get is compromise...
Getting what u love is success..
Loving without caring whether u will get it or not is true love..
Loving even after u knowing that u wont get it.. Is pure love..
Rich people travel in cars, poor people travel in carts but people like you travel in hearts. Have a gud day!
Dil mein ek shor ho raha hai,
Bina SMS dil bore ho raha hai,
Kahin aisa tho nahin ke ek pyara as dost,
Mujhse door ho raha hai.
People vanish, people die.
People laugh and people cry.
Some give up, some will try.
Some say hi, while some say bye.
Others may forget, but never will I.
------------------------------
Mulk ki bhi ek sarhad hoti hai,
Bacche ki bhi ek zid hoti hai,
Aur kitna intezar karu tere sms ka,
Arre yaar kanjusi ki bhi ek haad hoti hai.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Yaad karte hai tumhe tanhai me,
Dil duba hai gamo ki gahrai me,
Hume mat dhundo duniya ki bhid me,
Hum milenge tumhe fir kisi,
Free SMS ki scheme me.
------------------------------------------------------------
Phoolon NE Amrit ka jaam bheja hai,
Sooraj NE gagan se Salam bheja hai,
Mubarak ho Aapko nayi subhah,
Tahe-Dil se Humne ye Paigaam bheja hai
Good Morning
------------------------------------------------------------
Najre Jhuki to Paimane bane,
Dil tute to Maikhane bane,
Kuch to jaroor khas hai aap mein..
Hum Yoon hi nahi aapke Diwane Bane...
-------------------------------------------------------------
Gadha Jo khaye wo Ghas ho tum,
Buddhe ka Chyawanprash ho tum,
Idiot stupid bakwas ho tum,
Par Jo bhi ho yar, Dost Jhakaas ho tum...
----------------------------------------------------------------
Hotho se Jo choo liya,
Ehsaas Aab tak hai,
Aankhe Nam hai, Aur sanso mein Aag aab tak hain...
Aur kyo na ho... Khayi Bhi to 'HARI Mirchi...'-hai...
------------------------------------------------------------------
Lehar aati hai, kinare se palat jati hai,
Yaad aati hai, dil mein simat jati hai,
Dono mein farakh sirf itna hai,
Lehar bewaqt aati hai, aur yaad har waqt aati hai.
----------------------------------------------------------
Jab dosti ki dastaan waqt sunayega,
Hum ko bhi koi shaks yaad ayega ,
Tab bhool jayenge zindagi ke gamon ko ,
Jab AAp ke saath guzra waqt yaad ayega
--------------------------------------------------------------
Kabhi badli hui takdir nazar ati hai,
Yado ki bas ek zanjir nazar ati hai ,
Pade bhi to kya pade
Yaar- mujhe mobile me bhi teri tasveer nazar ati hai,
----------------------------------------------------------------
Shadi karna tha par kismat khuli nahi,
TAJMAHAL Bana tha par MUMTAZ mili nahi,
Ab kismat khuli, Shadi hue,
AB TAZ banana chahta hu,
Par ye MUMTAZ marti nahi!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Bhul se kabhi hame bhi yaad kiya karo,
Pyar nahi to Shikayat hi kiya karo,
Itna bhi gair na samjho ki baat hi na kiya karo,
Phone nahi to SMS hi kiya karo....
------------------------------------------------------------------
Dil k dard ko zuba par laate nahi,
Hum apni aankhon se ansu bahate nahi,
Zakhm chahe kitne hi gahre kyo na ho,
??
Hum DETTOL k Siva kuch laagate nahi.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Aap jaise log kuch khaas lagte hain.
Man main har waqt hum ek aas rakhte hai.
Najane kab AA jaye aap ka sms
Is liye cell ko dil ke paas rakhte hai.
----------------------------------------------------------
Jindagi behaal hai,
Sur hai naa taal hai,
Msgbox bhi kangal hai,
Kya aapki sms factory me hadtal hai,
Yaar kuch to bhejo ye meri mobile ki zindagi ka sawaal hai.
---------------------------------------------------------
Is dil mein yaadon ke mele hain,
Tum bin bahut akele hain,
Sab kuch chodke tume SMS kar rele hain,
Dekho hum kitne wele
-------------------------------------------------------------
Nazar tumhari, Nazar hamari,
Nazar NE dil ki nazar utari,
Nazar NE dekha nazar ko aise,
Ki nazar dosti ko lage na hamari.
------------------------------------------------------------
Tussi hasde ho saanu hassan vaste,
Tussi ronde ho saanu rovvan vaset,
Tussi 1 vaar ruske te vekho,
Mar jayenge tuhanu manaan vaste.
--------------------------------------------------
Baadal kitne khushnaseeb hai,
Door rahkar bhi zameen par baraste hai,
Hum kitne badnaseeb hai,
Paas rahkar bhi milne ko taraste hai.
------------------------------------------
Dosti ka pehala pegam aapke naam,
Zindagi ki akhari sham aapke naam.
Iss safar main humsafar hain hum dono,
Is dosti ko nibhana hain aapka kaam.
---------------------------------------------
is kadar hamari chahat ka imtihan na lijiye.
Kyu ho humse khafa, bayan to kijiye,
Kar dijiye maaf agar ho gaye humse khata,
Yu yaad na karke saza na dijiye.
----------------------------------------------
Rishton ki ye duniye hai niraali,
Sab riston se pyaari hai dosti tumhaari.
Manzoor hai aansu bhi aakho mein hamaree,
Agar aa jaaye muskaan hot pe tumahari.
---------------------------------------------
Khuda se thoda raham khareed lete,
Aap ke zakhmo ka marham khareed lete.
Agar kahi bikti khushiya meri,
To saari bech kar aap ka har ghum khareed lete.
------------------------------------------------
[IMG]
Jam pe jam pine se kya fayda,
Sham ko pi subah utar jayegi.
Arey do boond dosti ke pi le,
Zindagi saari nashe mein guzar jayegi.
-------------------------------------------------
Fiza mein mehekti ek shaam ho tum,
Pyar mein chalakta jam ho tum.
Seene main chupaye phirte hai hum yaad tumahari,
Meri zindagi ka dusra naam ho tum.
----------------------------------------------------
Tum paas hot to tujhpe pyar aata hai,
Tum door ho to tera intezaar satata hai.
Kya kahe is dil ki haalat ki,
Tujhe yaad kar karke hume bukhaar ho jaata hai.
---------------------------------------------------
Vaade pe o aitbaar nahi karte,
Hum zikre mohabbat sare bazaar nahi karte.
Darta hai dil unki ruswai se,
Aur who sochte hai hum unse pyar nahi karte.
---------------------------------------------------
Har kadam par imtihaan leti hai zindagi,
Har waqt naya sadma deti hai zindagi.
Hum jindagi se kya shikwa kare,
Aap jaise dost bhi to deti hai zindagi.
---------------------------------------------------
Kaash who nagme hame sunaye na hote,
Aaj unko sun kar aansu aye na hote.
Agar isi tarah bhool hi jaana tha,
To itni gehrai se dil me samaye na hote.
-------------------------------------------------
Har khushi kam hai,
Tera gum bhulane ke liye,
Ek tera gum hi kaafi hai,
Mujhe umr bhar rulane ke liye
----------------------------------------------------
Dil Ki Basti Bikhar Gayi Hoti
Ke Rooh Ke Zakhm Bhar Gaye Hote
Yeh Zindagi To Aap Ki Amaanat Hai Warna
Hum To Kab Ke Mar Gaye Hote
---------------------------------------------------
Unke Bewafai Par Wafa Hum Karenge
Yaad Ko Unki Dil Se Juda Hum Karenge
Itna Chaha Phir Bhi Yakeen Nahin
Aise Zindagi Jee Kar Kya Karenge
---------------------------------------------------
Mere Jineke Liye Tera Armaan Hi Kafi Hai .
Dil Ke Kalam Se Likhi Ye Dastaan Hi Kafi Hai.
Tir-E-Talwaar Ki Tujhe Kya Zaroorat-E-Nazneen,
Qatl Karne Ke Liye Teri Muskaan hi Kafi Hai
----------------------------------------------
Ittefaq se hum mile,
Ittefaq se aap hume pasand aaye,
Ittefaq se hum dost bane,
Humari dosti ab ittefaq nahi,
Zindagi ki khoobsurat hakikat hai.
-----------------------------------------------------
Yun durr rehkar duriyon ko badaya nahi karte,
Apne deewano ko sataya nahi karte,
Har waqt bas jise tumhara khyal ho,
Usey apni awaaz ke liye tadpaya nahi karte.
-----------------------------------------------
Jamane se nahi to tanhai se darta hu,
Pyar se nahi to ruswai se darta hu,
Milne ki umang bahot hoti hai dil me,
Lekin milne ke baad teri judai se darta hu.
------------------------------------------------------
Hum to dil deneko taiyar baithe hai,
Darde mohabbat karne ko taiyar baite hai,
Par hai re meri futi kismat,
Koi dil leneko hi taiyar nahi.
------------------------------------------------------
Bekabu hai dil fir bhi jiya ja raha hu,
Khali hao botal fir bhi piya ja raha hu,
Majburi to dekho is dil ki.
Reply nahi mil raha fir bhi msg kiya ja raha hu.
----------------------------------------------------------
Wo ruthe is kadar ki manaya na gaya,
Durr itne ho gaye ki pass bulaya na gaya,
Dil to dil tha samundar ka sahil nahi,
Likh diya naam to fir mitaya na gaya.
----------------------------------------------------------
Tumse doori ka ehsaas jab satane laga,
Tere saath guzra har lamha yaad aane laga,
Jabbhi tumhe bhulne ki koshish ki,
Ae dost tu dil ke aur paas aane laga..
-----------------------------------------------------------
Ham tere dil mein rahenge ek yaad bankar,
Tere lab pa khilenge muskaan bankar,
Kabhi hamein apne se juda na samajhna,
Hum tere saath challenge aasmaan bankar.
------------------------------------------------------------
Haqiqat samjho ya afsana,
Begana kaho ya deewana,
Suno is dil ka fasana,
Teri dosti hai mere jeene ka bahana..
-----------------------------------------------------
Kuch nasha to aapki baat ka hai
Kuch nasha to dheemi barsaat ka hai
Hame aap yuhi sharabi na kahiye,
Yeh dil par asar to aapse mulaqat ka hai.
Macchar NE aapko kata yeh uska junoon tha.Aapne khuja diya yeh aapka sukoon tha.chah kar bhi aap use maar na sake,kyuki uski rago me aaphika khoon tha
Chaand ko gharoor hay k uske paas noor hay
To kya hua mera yaar bhe to langooor hay
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
Loving what u get is compromise...
Getting what u love is success..
Loving without caring whether u will get it or not is true love..
Loving even after u knowing that u wont get it.. Is pure love..
Rich people travel in cars, poor people travel in carts but people like you travel in hearts. Have a gud day!
Dil mein ek shor ho raha hai,
Bina SMS dil bore ho raha hai,
Kahin aisa tho nahin ke ek pyara as dost,
Mujhse door ho raha hai.
People vanish, people die.
People laugh and people cry.
Some give up, some will try.
Some say hi, while some say bye.
Others may forget, but never will I.
------------------------------
Mulk ki bhi ek sarhad hoti hai,
Bacche ki bhi ek zid hoti hai,
Aur kitna intezar karu tere sms ka,
Arre yaar kanjusi ki bhi ek haad hoti hai.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Yaad karte hai tumhe tanhai me,
Dil duba hai gamo ki gahrai me,
Hume mat dhundo duniya ki bhid me,
Hum milenge tumhe fir kisi,
Free SMS ki scheme me.
------------------------------------------------------------
Phoolon NE Amrit ka jaam bheja hai,
Sooraj NE gagan se Salam bheja hai,
Mubarak ho Aapko nayi subhah,
Tahe-Dil se Humne ye Paigaam bheja hai
Good Morning
------------------------------------------------------------
Najre Jhuki to Paimane bane,
Dil tute to Maikhane bane,
Kuch to jaroor khas hai aap mein..
Hum Yoon hi nahi aapke Diwane Bane...
-------------------------------------------------------------
Gadha Jo khaye wo Ghas ho tum,
Buddhe ka Chyawanprash ho tum,
Idiot stupid bakwas ho tum,
Par Jo bhi ho yar, Dost Jhakaas ho tum...
----------------------------------------------------------------
Hotho se Jo choo liya,
Ehsaas Aab tak hai,
Aankhe Nam hai, Aur sanso mein Aag aab tak hain...
Aur kyo na ho... Khayi Bhi to 'HARI Mirchi...'-hai...
------------------------------------------------------------------
Lehar aati hai, kinare se palat jati hai,
Yaad aati hai, dil mein simat jati hai,
Dono mein farakh sirf itna hai,
Lehar bewaqt aati hai, aur yaad har waqt aati hai.
----------------------------------------------------------
Jab dosti ki dastaan waqt sunayega,
Hum ko bhi koi shaks yaad ayega ,
Tab bhool jayenge zindagi ke gamon ko ,
Jab AAp ke saath guzra waqt yaad ayega
--------------------------------------------------------------
Kabhi badli hui takdir nazar ati hai,
Yado ki bas ek zanjir nazar ati hai ,
Pade bhi to kya pade
Yaar- mujhe mobile me bhi teri tasveer nazar ati hai,
----------------------------------------------------------------
Shadi karna tha par kismat khuli nahi,
TAJMAHAL Bana tha par MUMTAZ mili nahi,
Ab kismat khuli, Shadi hue,
AB TAZ banana chahta hu,
Par ye MUMTAZ marti nahi!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Bhul se kabhi hame bhi yaad kiya karo,
Pyar nahi to Shikayat hi kiya karo,
Itna bhi gair na samjho ki baat hi na kiya karo,
Phone nahi to SMS hi kiya karo....
------------------------------------------------------------------
Dil k dard ko zuba par laate nahi,
Hum apni aankhon se ansu bahate nahi,
Zakhm chahe kitne hi gahre kyo na ho,
??
Hum DETTOL k Siva kuch laagate nahi.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Aap jaise log kuch khaas lagte hain.
Man main har waqt hum ek aas rakhte hai.
Najane kab AA jaye aap ka sms
Is liye cell ko dil ke paas rakhte hai.
----------------------------------------------------------
Jindagi behaal hai,
Sur hai naa taal hai,
Msgbox bhi kangal hai,
Kya aapki sms factory me hadtal hai,
Yaar kuch to bhejo ye meri mobile ki zindagi ka sawaal hai.
---------------------------------------------------------
Is dil mein yaadon ke mele hain,
Tum bin bahut akele hain,
Sab kuch chodke tume SMS kar rele hain,
Dekho hum kitne wele
-------------------------------------------------------------
Nazar tumhari, Nazar hamari,
Nazar NE dil ki nazar utari,
Nazar NE dekha nazar ko aise,
Ki nazar dosti ko lage na hamari.
------------------------------------------------------------
Tussi hasde ho saanu hassan vaste,
Tussi ronde ho saanu rovvan vaset,
Tussi 1 vaar ruske te vekho,
Mar jayenge tuhanu manaan vaste.
--------------------------------------------------
Baadal kitne khushnaseeb hai,
Door rahkar bhi zameen par baraste hai,
Hum kitne badnaseeb hai,
Paas rahkar bhi milne ko taraste hai.
------------------------------------------
Dosti ka pehala pegam aapke naam,
Zindagi ki akhari sham aapke naam.
Iss safar main humsafar hain hum dono,
Is dosti ko nibhana hain aapka kaam.
---------------------------------------------
is kadar hamari chahat ka imtihan na lijiye.
Kyu ho humse khafa, bayan to kijiye,
Kar dijiye maaf agar ho gaye humse khata,
Yu yaad na karke saza na dijiye.
----------------------------------------------
Rishton ki ye duniye hai niraali,
Sab riston se pyaari hai dosti tumhaari.
Manzoor hai aansu bhi aakho mein hamaree,
Agar aa jaaye muskaan hot pe tumahari.
---------------------------------------------
Khuda se thoda raham khareed lete,
Aap ke zakhmo ka marham khareed lete.
Agar kahi bikti khushiya meri,
To saari bech kar aap ka har ghum khareed lete.
------------------------------------------------
[IMG]
Jam pe jam pine se kya fayda,
Sham ko pi subah utar jayegi.
Arey do boond dosti ke pi le,
Zindagi saari nashe mein guzar jayegi.
-------------------------------------------------
Fiza mein mehekti ek shaam ho tum,
Pyar mein chalakta jam ho tum.
Seene main chupaye phirte hai hum yaad tumahari,
Meri zindagi ka dusra naam ho tum.
----------------------------------------------------
Tum paas hot to tujhpe pyar aata hai,
Tum door ho to tera intezaar satata hai.
Kya kahe is dil ki haalat ki,
Tujhe yaad kar karke hume bukhaar ho jaata hai.
---------------------------------------------------
Vaade pe o aitbaar nahi karte,
Hum zikre mohabbat sare bazaar nahi karte.
Darta hai dil unki ruswai se,
Aur who sochte hai hum unse pyar nahi karte.
---------------------------------------------------
Har kadam par imtihaan leti hai zindagi,
Har waqt naya sadma deti hai zindagi.
Hum jindagi se kya shikwa kare,
Aap jaise dost bhi to deti hai zindagi.
---------------------------------------------------
Kaash who nagme hame sunaye na hote,
Aaj unko sun kar aansu aye na hote.
Agar isi tarah bhool hi jaana tha,
To itni gehrai se dil me samaye na hote.
-------------------------------------------------
Har khushi kam hai,
Tera gum bhulane ke liye,
Ek tera gum hi kaafi hai,
Mujhe umr bhar rulane ke liye
----------------------------------------------------
Dil Ki Basti Bikhar Gayi Hoti
Ke Rooh Ke Zakhm Bhar Gaye Hote
Yeh Zindagi To Aap Ki Amaanat Hai Warna
Hum To Kab Ke Mar Gaye Hote
---------------------------------------------------
Unke Bewafai Par Wafa Hum Karenge
Yaad Ko Unki Dil Se Juda Hum Karenge
Itna Chaha Phir Bhi Yakeen Nahin
Aise Zindagi Jee Kar Kya Karenge
---------------------------------------------------
Mere Jineke Liye Tera Armaan Hi Kafi Hai .
Dil Ke Kalam Se Likhi Ye Dastaan Hi Kafi Hai.
Tir-E-Talwaar Ki Tujhe Kya Zaroorat-E-Nazneen,
Qatl Karne Ke Liye Teri Muskaan hi Kafi Hai
----------------------------------------------
Ittefaq se hum mile,
Ittefaq se aap hume pasand aaye,
Ittefaq se hum dost bane,
Humari dosti ab ittefaq nahi,
Zindagi ki khoobsurat hakikat hai.
-----------------------------------------------------
Yun durr rehkar duriyon ko badaya nahi karte,
Apne deewano ko sataya nahi karte,
Har waqt bas jise tumhara khyal ho,
Usey apni awaaz ke liye tadpaya nahi karte.
-----------------------------------------------
Jamane se nahi to tanhai se darta hu,
Pyar se nahi to ruswai se darta hu,
Milne ki umang bahot hoti hai dil me,
Lekin milne ke baad teri judai se darta hu.
------------------------------------------------------
Hum to dil deneko taiyar baithe hai,
Darde mohabbat karne ko taiyar baite hai,
Par hai re meri futi kismat,
Koi dil leneko hi taiyar nahi.
------------------------------------------------------
Bekabu hai dil fir bhi jiya ja raha hu,
Khali hao botal fir bhi piya ja raha hu,
Majburi to dekho is dil ki.
Reply nahi mil raha fir bhi msg kiya ja raha hu.
----------------------------------------------------------
Wo ruthe is kadar ki manaya na gaya,
Durr itne ho gaye ki pass bulaya na gaya,
Dil to dil tha samundar ka sahil nahi,
Likh diya naam to fir mitaya na gaya.
----------------------------------------------------------
Tumse doori ka ehsaas jab satane laga,
Tere saath guzra har lamha yaad aane laga,
Jabbhi tumhe bhulne ki koshish ki,
Ae dost tu dil ke aur paas aane laga..
-----------------------------------------------------------
Ham tere dil mein rahenge ek yaad bankar,
Tere lab pa khilenge muskaan bankar,
Kabhi hamein apne se juda na samajhna,
Hum tere saath challenge aasmaan bankar.
------------------------------------------------------------
Haqiqat samjho ya afsana,
Begana kaho ya deewana,
Suno is dil ka fasana,
Teri dosti hai mere jeene ka bahana..
-----------------------------------------------------
Kuch nasha to aapki baat ka hai
Kuch nasha to dheemi barsaat ka hai
Hame aap yuhi sharabi na kahiye,
Yeh dil par asar to aapse mulaqat ka hai.
SMS KA KHAJANA
Hands up this is a bank robbery..pretty girls move left..handsome guys right...monkeys to the centre..U there yes u! Dun prtnd 2 read sms..go to the centre!"
Macchar NE aapko kata yeh uska junoon tha.Aapne khuja diya yeh aapka sukoon tha.chah kar bhi aap use maar na sake,kyuki uski rago me aaphika khoon tha
Chaand ko gharoor hay k uske paas noor hay
To kya hua mera yaar bhe to langooor hay
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
Loving what u get is compromise...
Getting what u love is success..
Loving without caring whether u will get it or not is true love..
Loving even after u knowing that u wont get it.. Is pure love..
Rich people travel in cars, poor people travel in carts but people like you travel in hearts. Have a gud day!
Dil mein ek shor ho raha hai,
Bina SMS dil bore ho raha hai,
Kahin aisa tho nahin ke ek pyara as dost,
Mujhse door ho raha hai.
People vanish, people die.
People laugh and people cry.
Some give up, some will try.
Some say hi, while some say bye.
Others may forget, but never will I.
------------------------------
Mulk ki bhi ek sarhad hoti hai,
Bacche ki bhi ek zid hoti hai,
Aur kitna intezar karu tere sms ka,
Arre yaar kanjusi ki bhi ek haad hoti hai.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Yaad karte hai tumhe tanhai me,
Dil duba hai gamo ki gahrai me,
Hume mat dhundo duniya ki bhid me,
Hum milenge tumhe fir kisi,
Free SMS ki scheme me.
------------------------------------------------------------
Phoolon NE Amrit ka jaam bheja hai,
Sooraj NE gagan se Salam bheja hai,
Mubarak ho Aapko nayi subhah,
Tahe-Dil se Humne ye Paigaam bheja hai
Good Morning
------------------------------------------------------------
Najre Jhuki to Paimane bane,
Dil tute to Maikhane bane,
Kuch to jaroor khas hai aap mein..
Hum Yoon hi nahi aapke Diwane Bane...
-------------------------------------------------------------
Gadha Jo khaye wo Ghas ho tum,
Buddhe ka Chyawanprash ho tum,
Idiot stupid bakwas ho tum,
Par Jo bhi ho yar, Dost Jhakaas ho tum...
----------------------------------------------------------------
Hotho se Jo choo liya,
Ehsaas Aab tak hai,
Aankhe Nam hai, Aur sanso mein Aag aab tak hain...
Aur kyo na ho... Khayi Bhi to 'HARI Mirchi...'-hai...
------------------------------------------------------------------
Lehar aati hai, kinare se palat jati hai,
Yaad aati hai, dil mein simat jati hai,
Dono mein farakh sirf itna hai,
Lehar bewaqt aati hai, aur yaad har waqt aati hai.
----------------------------------------------------------
Jab dosti ki dastaan waqt sunayega,
Hum ko bhi koi shaks yaad ayega ,
Tab bhool jayenge zindagi ke gamon ko ,
Jab AAp ke saath guzra waqt yaad ayega
--------------------------------------------------------------
Kabhi badli hui takdir nazar ati hai,
Yado ki bas ek zanjir nazar ati hai ,
Pade bhi to kya pade
Yaar- mujhe mobile me bhi teri tasveer nazar ati hai,
----------------------------------------------------------------
Shadi karna tha par kismat khuli nahi,
TAJMAHAL Bana tha par MUMTAZ mili nahi,
Ab kismat khuli, Shadi hue,
AB TAZ banana chahta hu,
Par ye MUMTAZ marti nahi!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Bhul se kabhi hame bhi yaad kiya karo,
Pyar nahi to Shikayat hi kiya karo,
Itna bhi gair na samjho ki baat hi na kiya karo,
Phone nahi to SMS hi kiya karo....
------------------------------------------------------------------
Dil k dard ko zuba par laate nahi,
Hum apni aankhon se ansu bahate nahi,
Zakhm chahe kitne hi gahre kyo na ho,
??
Hum DETTOL k Siva kuch laagate nahi.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Aap jaise log kuch khaas lagte hain.
Man main har waqt hum ek aas rakhte hai.
Najane kab AA jaye aap ka sms
Is liye cell ko dil ke paas rakhte hai.
----------------------------------------------------------
Jindagi behaal hai,
Sur hai naa taal hai,
Msgbox bhi kangal hai,
Kya aapki sms factory me hadtal hai,
Yaar kuch to bhejo ye meri mobile ki zindagi ka sawaal hai.
---------------------------------------------------------
Is dil mein yaadon ke mele hain,
Tum bin bahut akele hain,
Sab kuch chodke tume SMS kar rele hain,
Dekho hum kitne wele
-------------------------------------------------------------
Nazar tumhari, Nazar hamari,
Nazar NE dil ki nazar utari,
Nazar NE dekha nazar ko aise,
Ki nazar dosti ko lage na hamari.
------------------------------------------------------------
Tussi hasde ho saanu hassan vaste,
Tussi ronde ho saanu rovvan vaset,
Tussi 1 vaar ruske te vekho,
Mar jayenge tuhanu manaan vaste.
--------------------------------------------------
Baadal kitne khushnaseeb hai,
Door rahkar bhi zameen par baraste hai,
Hum kitne badnaseeb hai,
Paas rahkar bhi milne ko taraste hai.
------------------------------------------
Dosti ka pehala pegam aapke naam,
Zindagi ki akhari sham aapke naam.
Iss safar main humsafar hain hum dono,
Is dosti ko nibhana hain aapka kaam.
---------------------------------------------
is kadar hamari chahat ka imtihan na lijiye.
Kyu ho humse khafa, bayan to kijiye,
Kar dijiye maaf agar ho gaye humse khata,
Yu yaad na karke saza na dijiye.
----------------------------------------------
Rishton ki ye duniye hai niraali,
Sab riston se pyaari hai dosti tumhaari.
Manzoor hai aansu bhi aakho mein hamaree,
Agar aa jaaye muskaan hot pe tumahari.
---------------------------------------------
Khuda se thoda raham khareed lete,
Aap ke zakhmo ka marham khareed lete.
Agar kahi bikti khushiya meri,
To saari bech kar aap ka har ghum khareed lete.
------------------------------------------------
[IMG]
Jam pe jam pine se kya fayda,
Sham ko pi subah utar jayegi.
Arey do boond dosti ke pi le,
Zindagi saari nashe mein guzar jayegi.
-------------------------------------------------
Fiza mein mehekti ek shaam ho tum,
Pyar mein chalakta jam ho tum.
Seene main chupaye phirte hai hum yaad tumahari,
Meri zindagi ka dusra naam ho tum.
----------------------------------------------------
Tum paas hot to tujhpe pyar aata hai,
Tum door ho to tera intezaar satata hai.
Kya kahe is dil ki haalat ki,
Tujhe yaad kar karke hume bukhaar ho jaata hai.
---------------------------------------------------
Vaade pe o aitbaar nahi karte,
Hum zikre mohabbat sare bazaar nahi karte.
Darta hai dil unki ruswai se,
Aur who sochte hai hum unse pyar nahi karte.
---------------------------------------------------
Har kadam par imtihaan leti hai zindagi,
Har waqt naya sadma deti hai zindagi.
Hum jindagi se kya shikwa kare,
Aap jaise dost bhi to deti hai zindagi.
---------------------------------------------------
Kaash who nagme hame sunaye na hote,
Aaj unko sun kar aansu aye na hote.
Agar isi tarah bhool hi jaana tha,
To itni gehrai se dil me samaye na hote.
-------------------------------------------------
Har khushi kam hai,
Tera gum bhulane ke liye,
Ek tera gum hi kaafi hai,
Mujhe umr bhar rulane ke liye
----------------------------------------------------
Dil Ki Basti Bikhar Gayi Hoti
Ke Rooh Ke Zakhm Bhar Gaye Hote
Yeh Zindagi To Aap Ki Amaanat Hai Warna
Hum To Kab Ke Mar Gaye Hote
---------------------------------------------------
Unke Bewafai Par Wafa Hum Karenge
Yaad Ko Unki Dil Se Juda Hum Karenge
Itna Chaha Phir Bhi Yakeen Nahin
Aise Zindagi Jee Kar Kya Karenge
---------------------------------------------------
Mere Jineke Liye Tera Armaan Hi Kafi Hai .
Dil Ke Kalam Se Likhi Ye Dastaan Hi Kafi Hai.
Tir-E-Talwaar Ki Tujhe Kya Zaroorat-E-Nazneen,
Qatl Karne Ke Liye Teri Muskaan hi Kafi Hai
----------------------------------------------
Ittefaq se hum mile,
Ittefaq se aap hume pasand aaye,
Ittefaq se hum dost bane,
Humari dosti ab ittefaq nahi,
Zindagi ki khoobsurat hakikat hai.
-----------------------------------------------------
Yun durr rehkar duriyon ko badaya nahi karte,
Apne deewano ko sataya nahi karte,
Har waqt bas jise tumhara khyal ho,
Usey apni awaaz ke liye tadpaya nahi karte.
-----------------------------------------------
Jamane se nahi to tanhai se darta hu,
Pyar se nahi to ruswai se darta hu,
Milne ki umang bahot hoti hai dil me,
Lekin milne ke baad teri judai se darta hu.
------------------------------------------------------
Hum to dil deneko taiyar baithe hai,
Darde mohabbat karne ko taiyar baite hai,
Par hai re meri futi kismat,
Koi dil leneko hi taiyar nahi.
------------------------------------------------------
Bekabu hai dil fir bhi jiya ja raha hu,
Khali hao botal fir bhi piya ja raha hu,
Majburi to dekho is dil ki.
Reply nahi mil raha fir bhi msg kiya ja raha hu.
----------------------------------------------------------
Wo ruthe is kadar ki manaya na gaya,
Durr itne ho gaye ki pass bulaya na gaya,
Dil to dil tha samundar ka sahil nahi,
Likh diya naam to fir mitaya na gaya.
----------------------------------------------------------
Tumse doori ka ehsaas jab satane laga,
Tere saath guzra har lamha yaad aane laga,
Jabbhi tumhe bhulne ki koshish ki,
Ae dost tu dil ke aur paas aane laga..
-----------------------------------------------------------
Ham tere dil mein rahenge ek yaad bankar,
Tere lab pa khilenge muskaan bankar,
Kabhi hamein apne se juda na samajhna,
Hum tere saath challenge aasmaan bankar.
------------------------------------------------------------
Haqiqat samjho ya afsana,
Begana kaho ya deewana,
Suno is dil ka fasana,
Teri dosti hai mere jeene ka bahana..
-----------------------------------------------------
Kuch nasha to aapki baat ka hai
Kuch nasha to dheemi barsaat ka hai
Hame aap yuhi sharabi na kahiye,
Yeh dil par asar to aapse mulaqat ka hai.
Macchar NE aapko kata yeh uska junoon tha.Aapne khuja diya yeh aapka sukoon tha.chah kar bhi aap use maar na sake,kyuki uski rago me aaphika khoon tha
Chaand ko gharoor hay k uske paas noor hay
To kya hua mera yaar bhe to langooor hay
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
Loving what u get is compromise...
Getting what u love is success..
Loving without caring whether u will get it or not is true love..
Loving even after u knowing that u wont get it.. Is pure love..
Rich people travel in cars, poor people travel in carts but people like you travel in hearts. Have a gud day!
Dil mein ek shor ho raha hai,
Bina SMS dil bore ho raha hai,
Kahin aisa tho nahin ke ek pyara as dost,
Mujhse door ho raha hai.
People vanish, people die.
People laugh and people cry.
Some give up, some will try.
Some say hi, while some say bye.
Others may forget, but never will I.
------------------------------
Mulk ki bhi ek sarhad hoti hai,
Bacche ki bhi ek zid hoti hai,
Aur kitna intezar karu tere sms ka,
Arre yaar kanjusi ki bhi ek haad hoti hai.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Yaad karte hai tumhe tanhai me,
Dil duba hai gamo ki gahrai me,
Hume mat dhundo duniya ki bhid me,
Hum milenge tumhe fir kisi,
Free SMS ki scheme me.
------------------------------------------------------------
Phoolon NE Amrit ka jaam bheja hai,
Sooraj NE gagan se Salam bheja hai,
Mubarak ho Aapko nayi subhah,
Tahe-Dil se Humne ye Paigaam bheja hai
Good Morning
------------------------------------------------------------
Najre Jhuki to Paimane bane,
Dil tute to Maikhane bane,
Kuch to jaroor khas hai aap mein..
Hum Yoon hi nahi aapke Diwane Bane...
-------------------------------------------------------------
Gadha Jo khaye wo Ghas ho tum,
Buddhe ka Chyawanprash ho tum,
Idiot stupid bakwas ho tum,
Par Jo bhi ho yar, Dost Jhakaas ho tum...
----------------------------------------------------------------
Hotho se Jo choo liya,
Ehsaas Aab tak hai,
Aankhe Nam hai, Aur sanso mein Aag aab tak hain...
Aur kyo na ho... Khayi Bhi to 'HARI Mirchi...'-hai...
------------------------------------------------------------------
Lehar aati hai, kinare se palat jati hai,
Yaad aati hai, dil mein simat jati hai,
Dono mein farakh sirf itna hai,
Lehar bewaqt aati hai, aur yaad har waqt aati hai.
----------------------------------------------------------
Jab dosti ki dastaan waqt sunayega,
Hum ko bhi koi shaks yaad ayega ,
Tab bhool jayenge zindagi ke gamon ko ,
Jab AAp ke saath guzra waqt yaad ayega
--------------------------------------------------------------
Kabhi badli hui takdir nazar ati hai,
Yado ki bas ek zanjir nazar ati hai ,
Pade bhi to kya pade
Yaar- mujhe mobile me bhi teri tasveer nazar ati hai,
----------------------------------------------------------------
Shadi karna tha par kismat khuli nahi,
TAJMAHAL Bana tha par MUMTAZ mili nahi,
Ab kismat khuli, Shadi hue,
AB TAZ banana chahta hu,
Par ye MUMTAZ marti nahi!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Bhul se kabhi hame bhi yaad kiya karo,
Pyar nahi to Shikayat hi kiya karo,
Itna bhi gair na samjho ki baat hi na kiya karo,
Phone nahi to SMS hi kiya karo....
------------------------------------------------------------------
Dil k dard ko zuba par laate nahi,
Hum apni aankhon se ansu bahate nahi,
Zakhm chahe kitne hi gahre kyo na ho,
??
Hum DETTOL k Siva kuch laagate nahi.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Aap jaise log kuch khaas lagte hain.
Man main har waqt hum ek aas rakhte hai.
Najane kab AA jaye aap ka sms
Is liye cell ko dil ke paas rakhte hai.
----------------------------------------------------------
Jindagi behaal hai,
Sur hai naa taal hai,
Msgbox bhi kangal hai,
Kya aapki sms factory me hadtal hai,
Yaar kuch to bhejo ye meri mobile ki zindagi ka sawaal hai.
---------------------------------------------------------
Is dil mein yaadon ke mele hain,
Tum bin bahut akele hain,
Sab kuch chodke tume SMS kar rele hain,
Dekho hum kitne wele
-------------------------------------------------------------
Nazar tumhari, Nazar hamari,
Nazar NE dil ki nazar utari,
Nazar NE dekha nazar ko aise,
Ki nazar dosti ko lage na hamari.
------------------------------------------------------------
Tussi hasde ho saanu hassan vaste,
Tussi ronde ho saanu rovvan vaset,
Tussi 1 vaar ruske te vekho,
Mar jayenge tuhanu manaan vaste.
--------------------------------------------------
Baadal kitne khushnaseeb hai,
Door rahkar bhi zameen par baraste hai,
Hum kitne badnaseeb hai,
Paas rahkar bhi milne ko taraste hai.
------------------------------------------
Dosti ka pehala pegam aapke naam,
Zindagi ki akhari sham aapke naam.
Iss safar main humsafar hain hum dono,
Is dosti ko nibhana hain aapka kaam.
---------------------------------------------
is kadar hamari chahat ka imtihan na lijiye.
Kyu ho humse khafa, bayan to kijiye,
Kar dijiye maaf agar ho gaye humse khata,
Yu yaad na karke saza na dijiye.
----------------------------------------------
Rishton ki ye duniye hai niraali,
Sab riston se pyaari hai dosti tumhaari.
Manzoor hai aansu bhi aakho mein hamaree,
Agar aa jaaye muskaan hot pe tumahari.
---------------------------------------------
Khuda se thoda raham khareed lete,
Aap ke zakhmo ka marham khareed lete.
Agar kahi bikti khushiya meri,
To saari bech kar aap ka har ghum khareed lete.
------------------------------------------------
[IMG]
Jam pe jam pine se kya fayda,
Sham ko pi subah utar jayegi.
Arey do boond dosti ke pi le,
Zindagi saari nashe mein guzar jayegi.
-------------------------------------------------
Fiza mein mehekti ek shaam ho tum,
Pyar mein chalakta jam ho tum.
Seene main chupaye phirte hai hum yaad tumahari,
Meri zindagi ka dusra naam ho tum.
----------------------------------------------------
Tum paas hot to tujhpe pyar aata hai,
Tum door ho to tera intezaar satata hai.
Kya kahe is dil ki haalat ki,
Tujhe yaad kar karke hume bukhaar ho jaata hai.
---------------------------------------------------
Vaade pe o aitbaar nahi karte,
Hum zikre mohabbat sare bazaar nahi karte.
Darta hai dil unki ruswai se,
Aur who sochte hai hum unse pyar nahi karte.
---------------------------------------------------
Har kadam par imtihaan leti hai zindagi,
Har waqt naya sadma deti hai zindagi.
Hum jindagi se kya shikwa kare,
Aap jaise dost bhi to deti hai zindagi.
---------------------------------------------------
Kaash who nagme hame sunaye na hote,
Aaj unko sun kar aansu aye na hote.
Agar isi tarah bhool hi jaana tha,
To itni gehrai se dil me samaye na hote.
-------------------------------------------------
Har khushi kam hai,
Tera gum bhulane ke liye,
Ek tera gum hi kaafi hai,
Mujhe umr bhar rulane ke liye
----------------------------------------------------
Dil Ki Basti Bikhar Gayi Hoti
Ke Rooh Ke Zakhm Bhar Gaye Hote
Yeh Zindagi To Aap Ki Amaanat Hai Warna
Hum To Kab Ke Mar Gaye Hote
---------------------------------------------------
Unke Bewafai Par Wafa Hum Karenge
Yaad Ko Unki Dil Se Juda Hum Karenge
Itna Chaha Phir Bhi Yakeen Nahin
Aise Zindagi Jee Kar Kya Karenge
---------------------------------------------------
Mere Jineke Liye Tera Armaan Hi Kafi Hai .
Dil Ke Kalam Se Likhi Ye Dastaan Hi Kafi Hai.
Tir-E-Talwaar Ki Tujhe Kya Zaroorat-E-Nazneen,
Qatl Karne Ke Liye Teri Muskaan hi Kafi Hai
----------------------------------------------
Ittefaq se hum mile,
Ittefaq se aap hume pasand aaye,
Ittefaq se hum dost bane,
Humari dosti ab ittefaq nahi,
Zindagi ki khoobsurat hakikat hai.
-----------------------------------------------------
Yun durr rehkar duriyon ko badaya nahi karte,
Apne deewano ko sataya nahi karte,
Har waqt bas jise tumhara khyal ho,
Usey apni awaaz ke liye tadpaya nahi karte.
-----------------------------------------------
Jamane se nahi to tanhai se darta hu,
Pyar se nahi to ruswai se darta hu,
Milne ki umang bahot hoti hai dil me,
Lekin milne ke baad teri judai se darta hu.
------------------------------------------------------
Hum to dil deneko taiyar baithe hai,
Darde mohabbat karne ko taiyar baite hai,
Par hai re meri futi kismat,
Koi dil leneko hi taiyar nahi.
------------------------------------------------------
Bekabu hai dil fir bhi jiya ja raha hu,
Khali hao botal fir bhi piya ja raha hu,
Majburi to dekho is dil ki.
Reply nahi mil raha fir bhi msg kiya ja raha hu.
----------------------------------------------------------
Wo ruthe is kadar ki manaya na gaya,
Durr itne ho gaye ki pass bulaya na gaya,
Dil to dil tha samundar ka sahil nahi,
Likh diya naam to fir mitaya na gaya.
----------------------------------------------------------
Tumse doori ka ehsaas jab satane laga,
Tere saath guzra har lamha yaad aane laga,
Jabbhi tumhe bhulne ki koshish ki,
Ae dost tu dil ke aur paas aane laga..
-----------------------------------------------------------
Ham tere dil mein rahenge ek yaad bankar,
Tere lab pa khilenge muskaan bankar,
Kabhi hamein apne se juda na samajhna,
Hum tere saath challenge aasmaan bankar.
------------------------------------------------------------
Haqiqat samjho ya afsana,
Begana kaho ya deewana,
Suno is dil ka fasana,
Teri dosti hai mere jeene ka bahana..
-----------------------------------------------------
Kuch nasha to aapki baat ka hai
Kuch nasha to dheemi barsaat ka hai
Hame aap yuhi sharabi na kahiye,
Yeh dil par asar to aapse mulaqat ka hai.
STRANGE.... BUT TRUE...!!!
A man goes into a fancy restaurant on the top floor of a high rise. He
orders the Albatross soup. After he takes one bite, he jumps out the
window and kills himself.
Why?
scroll down for answer!
The Answer!
The man, the man's wife, and one other guy survived a ship wreck. The
three people were marooned on a desert island for a long time. They
survived on the bits of food they could find. One day the other guy says
he will make dinner for everybody. The man comes to dinner, but he could
not find his wife. The man enjoyed the dinner so much he asked the other
guy what it was. The other guy said it was Albatross. Eventually the
two men are rescued and the man was very sad that he never found his wife.
When the man gets back to civilization, he goes into a restaurant and
orders Albatross. When he tastes the food the waiter brings he realizes
that he has never eaten Albatross in his life. At that moment he knows
that he ate his wife on the desert island. Then he jumps out the window
and kills himself.
orders the Albatross soup. After he takes one bite, he jumps out the
window and kills himself.
Why?
scroll down for answer!
The Answer!
The man, the man's wife, and one other guy survived a ship wreck. The
three people were marooned on a desert island for a long time. They
survived on the bits of food they could find. One day the other guy says
he will make dinner for everybody. The man comes to dinner, but he could
not find his wife. The man enjoyed the dinner so much he asked the other
guy what it was. The other guy said it was Albatross. Eventually the
two men are rescued and the man was very sad that he never found his wife.
When the man gets back to civilization, he goes into a restaurant and
orders Albatross. When he tastes the food the waiter brings he realizes
that he has never eaten Albatross in his life. At that moment he knows
that he ate his wife on the desert island. Then he jumps out the window
and kills himself.
How to Recover Data from the Hard Drive of a Dead Laptop
Steps:-
Method 1
1. Purchase a "Laptop Hard Drive Adaptor Kit" to allow you to plug your laptop hard drive into a standard PC (2.5 TO 3.5 inch IDE HDD).
2. Find a functioning standard PC that can read the file system that was on the laptop. One would need Windows 2k/XP or a Linux distribution to read an NTFS/FAT file system, whereas only a Linux distribution can read the EXT3 file system.
3. Open up the case and add the laptop drive with adaptor kit as a secondary HDD. Be sure that you have set this drive to either Cable Select, or Slave, depending on the configuration of the system, and the available IDE ports.
4. Copy the data you need from the laptop drive to the ma in drive of the PC, or consider using removable storage for small files.
Method 2
1. Purchase or cannibalize a 2.5" USB 2.0 or Firewire drive enclosure.
2. Find a functioning standard PC with an open USB port (or firewire port, as applicable) that can read the file system that was on the laptop. One would need Windows 2k/XP or a Linux distribution to read an NTFS/FAT file system, whereas only a Linux distribution can read the EXT3 file system.
3. Plug it in, wait for the tones (and/or mount it if that is necessary in this system)
4. Copy the data you need from the laptop drive to the main drive of the PC, or consider using removable storage for small files.
Tips ;
* You can find the adaptor kits on eBay by searching the terms in quotes in step 1. They cost less than $10 with shipping.
* You may also put the laptop drive with adaptor kit into an external drive enclosure if you have one.
* You may need to adjust the primary/slave jumper settings on the hard disks (both laptop and PC).
* When you are finished, the laptop drive can be secured in the PC case and left as a secondary disk on the PC, if you don't need it for anything else.
Warnings
* Don't despair if you are not able to read the contents of the drive. Check your connections, be sure that the drive was detected in BIOS, and try again.
* In Linux, be sure to mount the file system as read-o nly before attempting. NTFS file systems can only be opened by default in read-only mode, without additional packages.
Method 1
1. Purchase a "Laptop Hard Drive Adaptor Kit" to allow you to plug your laptop hard drive into a standard PC (2.5 TO 3.5 inch IDE HDD).
2. Find a functioning standard PC that can read the file system that was on the laptop. One would need Windows 2k/XP or a Linux distribution to read an NTFS/FAT file system, whereas only a Linux distribution can read the EXT3 file system.
3. Open up the case and add the laptop drive with adaptor kit as a secondary HDD. Be sure that you have set this drive to either Cable Select, or Slave, depending on the configuration of the system, and the available IDE ports.
4. Copy the data you need from the laptop drive to the ma in drive of the PC, or consider using removable storage for small files.
Method 2
1. Purchase or cannibalize a 2.5" USB 2.0 or Firewire drive enclosure.
2. Find a functioning standard PC with an open USB port (or firewire port, as applicable) that can read the file system that was on the laptop. One would need Windows 2k/XP or a Linux distribution to read an NTFS/FAT file system, whereas only a Linux distribution can read the EXT3 file system.
3. Plug it in, wait for the tones (and/or mount it if that is necessary in this system)
4. Copy the data you need from the laptop drive to the main drive of the PC, or consider using removable storage for small files.
Tips ;
* You can find the adaptor kits on eBay by searching the terms in quotes in step 1. They cost less than $10 with shipping.
* You may also put the laptop drive with adaptor kit into an external drive enclosure if you have one.
* You may need to adjust the primary/slave jumper settings on the hard disks (both laptop and PC).
* When you are finished, the laptop drive can be secured in the PC case and left as a secondary disk on the PC, if you don't need it for anything else.
Warnings
* Don't despair if you are not able to read the contents of the drive. Check your connections, be sure that the drive was detected in BIOS, and try again.
* In Linux, be sure to mount the file system as read-o nly before attempting. NTFS file systems can only be opened by default in read-only mode, without additional packages.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
SLOW DANCE
Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
!
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,"Hi"
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.
--------------------
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
!
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,"Hi"
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.
--------------------
Top 10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations
1. At the movies:
When you meet acquaintances/ friends.. .
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here...
2. In the bus:
A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:- No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.. ...why don't you
try again.
3. At a funeral:
One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?
4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter Stupid Question:-
Is the "Butter Paneer Masala" good??
Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We
occassionaly also spit in it.
5. At a family get-together:
When some distant aunt meets you after years
Stupid Question:-Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.
6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating ,insensitive lout...it's just
the money.
7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in
Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping.... you dumb witted
moron.
8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding.... ..
9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.
10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman in your office
asks...
Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:- Gosh, it's a miracle ...........it was a piece of chalk and
now it's in flames!!!
Program for Lovers...... .!!!
This is really good. Read this completely.. ......... ..
#include
#include
#define Cute beautiful_lady
main()
{
goto college;
scanf("100%" ,&ladies);
if(lady ==Cute )
line++;
while( !reply )
{
printf("I Love U");
scanf("100%" ,&reply);
}
if(reply == "GAALI")
main(); _/* go back and repeat the process */
else if(reply == "SANDAL ")
exit(1);
else if(reply == "I Love U")
{
lover = Cute ;
love = (heart*)malloc( sizeof(lover) );
}
goto restaurant;
restaurant:
{
food++;
smile++;
pay->money = lover->money;
return(college) ;
}
if(time==2.30)
goto cinema;
cinema:
{
watch++;
if(intermission)
{
coke++;
Popecorn++;
}
}
if(time ==6.00)
goto park;
park:
{
for(time=6.30; time<=8.30;time+= 0.001)
kiss = kiss+1;
}
free(lover);
return(home) ;
if(time ==9.30)
goto pub;
pub:
{
friends++;
party++;
booze++;
smoke++;
if(pub.close( ))
{
pay->bill;
come->out;
}
}
if (highly->intoxicated)
goto friendsroom;
else
{
sweetpan++;
polo++;
goto home;
}
friendsroom:
{
goto sleep;
}
home:
{
if(mom.shouts( ))
{
reasonfiltered= (combinedstudy || projectwork || friendsbday) ;
say->reason;
}
if(dad.shouts( ))
shut->yourmouth;
call->lover;
if(phone->voice==(lover_ dad->voice || lover_mom->voice))
{
hang++;
}
else if(phone->voice==lover->voice)
{
for(time=12: 30;time<=1.30;time+= 0.001)
{
say->ILuvU;
scanf("100%" ,&reply); _/* "I Love U" already stored in reply */
}
}
goto sleep;
}
sleep:
{
*(dream)=love;
}
}
how is it ?????
#include
#include
#define Cute beautiful_lady
main()
{
goto college;
scanf("100%" ,&ladies);
if(lady ==Cute )
line++;
while( !reply )
{
printf("I Love U");
scanf("100%" ,&reply);
}
if(reply == "GAALI")
main(); _/* go back and repeat the process */
else if(reply == "SANDAL ")
exit(1);
else if(reply == "I Love U")
{
lover = Cute ;
love = (heart*)malloc( sizeof(lover) );
}
goto restaurant;
restaurant:
{
food++;
smile++;
pay->money = lover->money;
return(college) ;
}
if(time==2.30)
goto cinema;
cinema:
{
watch++;
if(intermission)
{
coke++;
Popecorn++;
}
}
if(time ==6.00)
goto park;
park:
{
for(time=6.30; time<=8.30;time+= 0.001)
kiss = kiss+1;
}
free(lover);
return(home) ;
if(time ==9.30)
goto pub;
pub:
{
friends++;
party++;
booze++;
smoke++;
if(pub.close( ))
{
pay->bill;
come->out;
}
}
if (highly->intoxicated)
goto friendsroom;
else
{
sweetpan++;
polo++;
goto home;
}
friendsroom:
{
goto sleep;
}
home:
{
if(mom.shouts( ))
{
reasonfiltered= (combinedstudy || projectwork || friendsbday) ;
say->reason;
}
if(dad.shouts( ))
shut->yourmouth;
call->lover;
if(phone->voice==(lover_ dad->voice || lover_mom->voice))
{
hang++;
}
else if(phone->voice==lover->voice)
{
for(time=12: 30;time<=1.30;time+= 0.001)
{
say->ILuvU;
scanf("100%" ,&reply); _/* "I Love U" already stored in reply */
}
}
goto sleep;
}
sleep:
{
*(dream)=love;
}
}
how is it ?????
JOKES
1 When Stalin completed 25 years of his rule over Russia, he wanted a special
postage stamp issued, with his picture on it. He so instructed the
Postmaster General, stressing that it should be of international quality.
The stamps were duly released of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that
the stamp was not sticking properly, and become furious. He called the chief
of the Secret Service and ordered him to investigate the matter. The chief
checked the matter out at several post offices, and then reported on the
problem to Stalin. He said:"Sir, the stamp is really of international
quality. The problem is, our citizens are spitting on the wrong side!"
2 Dilbert's Theorem on Salary states that Engineers,
Teachers, Programmers and Scientists can never earn as
much salary as business executives and sales people.
This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical
equation based on the following three postulates:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power (Knowledge=Power)
Postulate 2: Time is Money (Time=Money)
Postulate 3 (as every Physics student knows): Power = Work/Time
It therefore follows: Knowledge = Work/Time
and since Time = Money,
we have: Knowledge=Work/Money
Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work /Knowledge
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches
infinity, regardless of the amount of Work done.
Conclusion: The Less you Know, the More you Make
3 A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on
display.
While he was there,
another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a C
monkey
please."
The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and
took
out a monkey.
He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, "That'll
be
$5000." The customer paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the
tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive
monkey.
Why did it cost so much?"
The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast,
tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."
The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even more
expensive! $10,000!
What does it do?"
"Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming,
Visual C++, even some Java.
All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper. The tourist looked
around
for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own.
The price tag around its neck read $50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper,
"That one costs more than all the other put together! What on earth does
it
do?"
The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything,
but
the other monkeys call him the project manager."
.
5.
One day an old lady's dog passed out on her floor. She was
used to her dog playing dead, so she thought nothing of it,
but three days passed and still the dog didn't move, so she
became worried. She took the dog to her local veterinarian.
The vet set the dog on an observation table and began
examining the dog. A couple minutes later, the vet left the
room. Then he returned with a cage and inside the cage was a
cat. He set the cage next to the dog and let the cat out.
The cat walked around the dog three times then went back into
his cage.
A few minutes later the vet came to the old lady and said
"I'm sorry, but you're dog is dead. That'll be 250 dollars."
"250 dollars! For what?!" Shouted the old lady.
"Well, 50 dollars for the examination, and 200 dollars for
the cat scan."
6.
Two lawyers met at a cocktail party.
"How's business?" asked the first.
"Rotten," replied the other. "Yesterday, I chased an
ambulance for twenty miles. When I finally caught up to it,
there was already another lawyer hanging on to the bumper."
7.
A football coach walked into the locker room before a game,
looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to
let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there.
So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you
get it right, you can play."
The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes
intently and asks, "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me
the answer to this. What is two plus two?"
The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?"
"Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it
right.
At that, all the other players on the team began screaming,
"Come on coach, give him another chance!"
8.
At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are
hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very
easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth"
even when you don't know anything.
The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted
by his mother at the front door he says, "I know the whole
truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just
don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from
work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The
father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a
word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day,
when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets
him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman drops
the mail, opens his arms and says, "Then come give your
FATHER a big hug."
9>
A Frenchman, an Italian and an American were sitting in a bar discussing
sex. "Last night I made love to my wife three times" boasted the
Frenchman. "She was in sheer ecstasy this morning..."
The Italian said: "Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times, and
this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never
love another man."
When the American remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, "And how
many times did you make love to your wife last night?"
"Once." he replied.
"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to
you this morning?" he asked.
"Don't stop."
10.
A group of girlfriends are on vacation when they see a five-story hotel
with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their
boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explain to them how it works. "We
have five floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are
looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor
has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up, and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the
men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh, and without
hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and
handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are
tall and plain."
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors
left, they kept going.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and
handsome." The women get excited and are about to go in when they
realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are
missing, they head up to the fifth floor.
There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor
was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
11.
When Does God Cry ?
Saddam Hussain visits God and asks him: " God when shall I see the
defeat of Bill Clinton."
God replies: " Son, you will not see it in your lifetime."
Hearing this, Saddam Hussain starts crying and goes away.
Gen Parvez Musharaff visits God and asks him: " God when shall I see
the capture of Kashmir by Pakistan."
God replies: " Son, you will not see it in your lifetime."
Hearing this, Gen Parvez Musharaff starts crying and goes away.
Laaloo Yadav visits God and asks him: " God when shall I see Bihar
becoming a prosperous and happy state."
Hearing this, God starts crying.
Laaloo is astounded and asks: " God, why are you crying ? "
God replies: " Son, I will not see it in my lifetime "
12.
> A new lecturer was unable to control the class.
> The guys were just talking without giving any attention to him. So he
> wanted
> to send a guy who was creating most of the problem out. But he does n't
> know
> how to put it in English..
>
> So he went near the guy and shouted "follow me".
> The guy followed him till he went out of the class. Now the lecturer turned
> back and shouted "Don't follow me" and went inside the class..........
> # Inside the Class :
> ----------------
> * Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
> * Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
> *
>
> Cut an apple into two halves - take the bigger half.
> *
>
> Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away in the corridor
> *
>
> You, meet me behind the class. (meaning AFTER the class .. )
> *
>
> Both of u three, get out of the class.
>
> * Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today ...
> *
>
> Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.....
> *
>
> Take 5 cm wire of any length....
>
>
>
> # About his family :
> ----------------
> * I have two daughters. Both of them are girls...(?)
>
>
>
> # At the ground :
> -------------
> * All of you, stand in a straight circle.
> *
>
> There is no wind in the balloon.
>
>
>
> # To a boy, angrily :
> -----------------
> * I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk ?
>
>
>
> # Giving a punishment :
> -------------------
> * You, rotate the ground four times...
> *
>
> You, go and under-stand the tree...
> *
>
> You three of you, stand together separately.
> *
>
> Why are you late - say YES or NO ....(?)
>
>
> # Sir at his best :
> ---------------
> Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to see
> one
> of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did not see them. So the next
> day
> at school... ( to that boy ) - " Yesterday I saw you WITH MY WIFE at the
> Cinema Theatre
13.
Three Cheers for the Madness called Pakistan !!!
If an insect falls into a mug of beer, what would people do?
An Englishman would leave his mug of beer untouched and walk away.
An American would take the insect out and drink the beer any way.
A Chinese would eat the insect and throw away the beer.
An Indian would sell the insect to the Chinese and the beer to the
American and buy himself a fresh mug of beer.
A Pakistani would accuse the Indian intelligence agency of throwing
the insect into his beer, Relate the issue to Kashmir and ask for
UN mediation,demand for Chinese military aid, take a loan from the American to buy a fresh
pint of beer, chuck it away, swear by Osama Bin Ladin, yell for
Jihad against India and charge all dark-skinned passerbies with being
traitorous Bangladeshis!!
14.
Just after Pakistan got their new Chinese fighter planes, they sent
a squadron of their best pilots to China for training. "Ok, this one
is
easy to fly", said the Chinese instructor, "even you fools should
be able to operate it! You press this button to go up, this one to go left
and
this one for turning right! Simple! Got it??"
"But how do we come down?" asked Capt. Altaf Pasha, the Top Gun of
Pakistan. "Oh that," said the Chinese, "don't worry! Just leave it
to
the Indian Air Force!"
15.
Ashraf, a Pakistani went to London's Heathrow airport to buy his
ticket back home to Rawalpindi. At the counter he found that he was
10pence
short of the fare. Having no other way out, he turned to all the
other passengers and begged.... "Will someone please give me 10
pence?I
badly want to go back and meet my Abba and Ammi again!"
"Here" said a nearby Indian, reaching into his wallet and handing
himawhole Pound "..
"please keep the change and take another nine of your countrymen
with you!"
16.Subject: Fw: Poor Clinton!!!!
A reporter asked Clinton one day. "Was Monica lying?"
Clinton responded by saying. "No, she was only on her knees."
************
Q: Why does Hillary want to have sex
with Bill every
day at 5 am?
A: She wants to make sure that she is
the first
lady.
*************
Q: What is the difference between
Clinton and the
Titanic? A: Only 200 women
went down on the Titanic.
*****************
One Sunday morning Chelsea burst into the living quarters at the White House and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great
news for you!
I am getting married to
the greatest hunk in Washington. He
lives in
Georgetown and his name is
Matt." After dinner, the President took
Chelsea
aside. "Honey, I have to
talk with you. Your mother and I have
been married a
long time. She's a
wonderful wife but she's never offered
much
excitement in the bedroom, so I
used to fool around with women a lot.
Matt is
actually your half-brother,
and I'm afraid you can't marry him."
Chelsea was
heartbroken. After eight
months, she eventually started dating
again. A year
later she came home and
very proudly announced, "Robert asked me
to marry
him! We're getting married
in June." Again her father insisted on
another
private conversation and
broke the sad news. "Robert is your
half-brother
too, honey. I'm awfully
sorry about this." Chelsea was furious!
She finally
decided to go to her
mother with the news. "Dad has done so
much harm. I
guess I'm never going to
get married," she complained. "Every
time I fall in
love, Dad tells me the
guy is my half- brother." Hillary just
shook her
head. "Don't pay any
attention to what he says, dear. He's
not really
your father."
**********************
Women in Washington DC were asked if
they would have
sex with the President.
86% said "Not again."
******************
Hillary Clinton died and went to
Heaven. St. Peter
was giving her a tour
of
Heaven when she noticed that there were
thousands
of clocks on the wall.
Each clock displayed a different time
of day. When
she asked St. Peter
about the clocks, he replied, "We have
a clock for
each person on earth
and
every time they tell a lie the hands
move. The
clock ticks off one-second
each time a lie is told.
" Special attention was given to two
clocks. The
clock belonging to Mother
Teresa has never moved, indicating that
she never
told a lie. The clock
for
Abraham Lincoln has only moved twice.
He only told
two lies in his life.
Hillary asked, "Where is Bills' clock?"
St.Peter
replied, "Jesus has it in
His office...He's using it as a ceiling
fan."
***************
President Clinton and the Pope died on
the same
day, and due to an
administrative foul up, Clinton was sent
to heaven
and the Pope was sent to
hell. The Pope explained the situation
to the devil,
he checked out all of
the paperwork, and the error was
acknowledged. The
Pope was told, however,
that it would take about 24 hours to fix
the problem
and correct the error.
The next day, the Pope was called in and
the devil
said his good-byes as he
went off to heaven. On his way up, he
met Clinton
who was on his way down.
They stopped to chat. "Sorry about the
mix up" says
the Pope. "No problem,"
replies Clinton. pope says "Well, I'm
really excited
about going to heaven."
Clinton asks, "Why's that?" "Well, I've
wanted to meet the Virgin
Mary." President Clinton replies,
"you're a day
late".
17.
While waiting for a bus a sardar sees a truck being towed away by another
truck.
He laughs, breaks down, rolls on the ground and cannot control his
laughter.
There is a madrasi who is standing with the sardar for the bus.
He wonders what's up ? Calls sardar, but sardar cannot control himself,
points at the towing truck & again rolls on the ground, billowing more
dust.
The madrasi appa is annoyed, pulls up sardar asks him what is so funny ?
The sardar says "Kya zamana aa gaya hai, Ek rassi uthane ke liya
do-doTruck"
and again starts rolling.......
18.
Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! PART I
A telephone company fired their president after nine months,
saying he lacked "intellectual leadership". He received a $26
million severance package. Perhaps it's not the president who's
lacking intelligence...
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to
subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home.
After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that
the man was standing beside them, shouting to please come out
and give himself up...
An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist
and forced him to drive to two different automated teller
machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from
his own bank accounts...
A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day
suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last
week - for a mint! The boy allegedly told a classmate that the
mints would make him "jump higher." Also, a student in Belle,
West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a
classmate a cough drop. The school principal reiterated the
school's "zero-tolerance" policy...not to be confused with
the "zero-intelligence" policy...
A man in Taormina, Italy was hospitalized after swallowing 46
teaspoons, 2 cigarette lighters, and a pair of salad tongs.
A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas convenience store and
asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the
take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked
the counter himself for three hours until police showed up
and grabbed him.
Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! PART II
In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into
a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his
forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to
help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen.
Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-
inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill
and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.
More than 600 people in Italy wanted to ride in a spaceship
badly enough to pay $10,000 a piece for the first tourist
flight to Mars. According to the Italian police, the would-be
space travelers were told to spend their next vacation on
Mars, amid the splendors of ruined temples and painted
deserts. Ride a Martian camel from oasis to oasis and enjoy
the incredible Martian sunsets. Explore mysterious canals and
marvel at the views. Trips to the moon also available.
"Authorities believe that the con men running this scam made
off with over six million dollars.
In Medford, Oregon, a 27-year-old jobless man with an MBA
blamed his college degree for his murder of three people.
"There are too many business grads out there," he said. "If I
had chosen another field, all this may not have happened."
Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! PART III
Los Angeles Police lucked out with a robbery suspect who just
couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives
asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me
all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not
what I said!"
A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a
dye pack designed to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-
of-the-Looms. The robber apparently stuffed the loot down the
front of his pants as he was running out the door. "He was
seen hopping and jumping around," said a police spokesman,
"with an explosion taking place inside his pants." Police
have the man's charred trousers in custody.
A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant
and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!"
In Modesto, CA, A man was arrested for trying to hold up a
bank without a weapon. He used a thumb and a finger to
simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand
in his pocket. Wonder what he uses for a knife?
19.
A guy was typing away at his home computer, when his six- year-old daughter sneaked up behind him.
Suddenly, she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family, "I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!"
"What is it?" her sisters asked eagerly.
Proudly she replied, "Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!"
20.
One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her
mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something
that I didn't do."
The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have
a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it
that you didn't do?"
The little girl replied, "My homework."
21.
A well-dressed businessman got into a Manhattan cab and asked to be taken to LaGuardia airport. While stuck in traffic, the businessman leaned forward and said, "How's your spirit of adventure?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I have to be in Chicago for a meeting, but the thought of flying there just bores me. Why not drive me there? The meeting will last only an hour. I'll pay the gas, tolls, your hotel room, meals, and then you can drive me back tomorrow."
The driver said, "Sure, why not?!" and off they went.
They motored through Jersey, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, and finally into Chicago. The businessman did his meeting (while the cabbie waited) came out, got back into the cab and they took off to the hotel. They shared a huge meal, the businessman paid for two rooms. The next morning, they took off back towards Manhattan. When they arrived, the meter read $4,625.80.
When they got back to the businessman's office in Manhattan, the man told the cabbie, "Let me go in the bank here and I'll get you a certified check. I'll make it for $5,050 so you'll get a sizable tip for your service."
"Great," the cab driver said, "Thanks."
"One last thing. When I give you the check, I'd like you to drive me home, please. I'm extremely tired."
"Where do you live?"
"Brooklyn."
"No way! I'd have to drive back over the Tri-Boro Bridge without a passenger!"
22.
Subject: Divorce
A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local
court. But the
custody of their child posed a problem.
The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the
judge that since she had brought the child into this
world, she should retain custody of him.
The man also wanted custody of his child. The judge
asked for his side
of the story too.
After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his
chair and replied "Judge, when I put a dollar in a
vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi
belong to me or to the machine?"
23.
Woman in a pub
A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.
She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his
face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his
beard which is full and bushy. "Are you the manager?" she asks,
softly stroking his face with both hands." "Actually, no" he
replies. "Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks,
running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is
there anything I can do?" "Yes there is. I need you to give him a
message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his
mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him" she says
"that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room."
24.
Computer Diagnosis
One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess
I should see a doctor.
" His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug
store that can diagnose
anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor." "Simply put in a sample of
your urine and the
computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about
it. It only costs $10."
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine
sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in
the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some
noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out
popped a small slip of paper on which was
printed:
You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water.
Avoid heavy lifting.
It will be better in two weeks.
Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was
and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if
this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed
together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples
from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the
concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made he
usual noise and printed out the following message:
Your tap water is too hard.
Get a water softener.
Your dog has worms.
Get him vitamins.
Your daughter is using cocaine.
Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
Your wife is pregnant with twin girls.
They aren't yours.
Get a lawyer.
And if you dont stop jerking off, your
tennis elbow will never get better
25.
Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office. "What is the meaning of this?" the director asked. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held."
"Well," the young man replied, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination
26.
Matt's dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part.
Matt enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years."
"That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."
27.
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So, why's the groom wearing black?"
28.
Are you considering having children? To determine whether you are truly prepared for the experience, we suggest you take this set of simple tests... PART II
FEEDING TEST:
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.
NIGHT TEST:
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for five years. Look cheerful.
PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN):
Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10% of the beans.
PHYSICAL TEST (MEN):
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.
FINAL ASSIGNMENT:
Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.
29.
Pak blunders
Make sure that u don't dress green!>
Three Cheers for the Madness called Pakistan !!!
If an insect falls into a mug of beer, what would people do?>
An Englishman would leave his mug of beer untouched and walk away.>
An American would take the insect out and drink the beer any way.>
A Chinese would eat the insect and throw away the beer.>
An Indian would sell the insect to the Chinese and the beer to the
American and buy himself a fresh mug of beer.>
A Pakistani would accuse the Indian intelligence agency of throwing
the insect into his beer, Relate the issue to Kashmir and ask for
UN mediation,demand for Chinese military aid, take a loan from the American to buy a fresh
pint of beer, chuck it away, swear by Osama Bin Ladin, yell for
Jihad against India and charge all dark-skinned passerbies with
being traitorous Bangladeshis!!
===============================================================
A Pakistani news editor got a 20-year jail sentence for calling the
Pakistani Prime Minister a fool. Five years for the scandal and
fifteen for revealing a state secret
===============================================================
Have you heard about a Pakistani War hero ?> Neither has Pakistan.
===============================================================
Ashraf, a Pakistani went to London's Heathrow airport to buy his
ticket back home to Rawalpindi. At the counter he found that he was
10pence
short of the fare. Having no other way out, he turned to all the
other passengers and begged.... "Will someone please give me 10
pence?I
badly want to go back and meet my Abba and Ammi again!"
"Here" said a nearby Indian, reaching into his wallet and handing
himawhole Pound "..
"please keep the change and take another nine of your countrymen
with you!"
===============================================================
Just after Pakistan got their new Chinese fighter planes, they sent
a squadron of their best pilots to China for training. "Ok, this one
is
easy to fly", said the Chinese instructor, "even you fools should
beable to operate it! You press this button to go up, this one to go left
and
this one for turning right! Simple! Got it??"
"But how do we come down?" asked Capt. Altaf Pasha, the Top Gun of
Pakistan. "Oh that," said the Chinese, "don't worry! Just leave it
to
the Indian Air Force!"
=====================================================================
Why Pakis couldn't conduct nuclear tests before the India's nuclear
tests? cause they took time to read the "Nuclear tests Manual". It was
written
in Chinese.
************************
postage stamp issued, with his picture on it. He so instructed the
Postmaster General, stressing that it should be of international quality.
The stamps were duly released of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that
the stamp was not sticking properly, and become furious. He called the chief
of the Secret Service and ordered him to investigate the matter. The chief
checked the matter out at several post offices, and then reported on the
problem to Stalin. He said:"Sir, the stamp is really of international
quality. The problem is, our citizens are spitting on the wrong side!"
2 Dilbert's Theorem on Salary states that Engineers,
Teachers, Programmers and Scientists can never earn as
much salary as business executives and sales people.
This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical
equation based on the following three postulates:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power (Knowledge=Power)
Postulate 2: Time is Money (Time=Money)
Postulate 3 (as every Physics student knows): Power = Work/Time
It therefore follows: Knowledge = Work/Time
and since Time = Money,
we have: Knowledge=Work/Money
Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work /Knowledge
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches
infinity, regardless of the amount of Work done.
Conclusion: The Less you Know, the More you Make
3 A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on
display.
While he was there,
another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll have a C
monkey
please."
The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and
took
out a monkey.
He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, "That'll
be
$5000." The customer paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the
tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive
monkey.
Why did it cost so much?"
The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast,
tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."
The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even more
expensive! $10,000!
What does it do?"
"Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming,
Visual C++, even some Java.
All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper. The tourist looked
around
for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own.
The price tag around its neck read $50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper,
"That one costs more than all the other put together! What on earth does
it
do?"
The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything,
but
the other monkeys call him the project manager."
.
5.
One day an old lady's dog passed out on her floor. She was
used to her dog playing dead, so she thought nothing of it,
but three days passed and still the dog didn't move, so she
became worried. She took the dog to her local veterinarian.
The vet set the dog on an observation table and began
examining the dog. A couple minutes later, the vet left the
room. Then he returned with a cage and inside the cage was a
cat. He set the cage next to the dog and let the cat out.
The cat walked around the dog three times then went back into
his cage.
A few minutes later the vet came to the old lady and said
"I'm sorry, but you're dog is dead. That'll be 250 dollars."
"250 dollars! For what?!" Shouted the old lady.
"Well, 50 dollars for the examination, and 200 dollars for
the cat scan."
6.
Two lawyers met at a cocktail party.
"How's business?" asked the first.
"Rotten," replied the other. "Yesterday, I chased an
ambulance for twenty miles. When I finally caught up to it,
there was already another lawyer hanging on to the bumper."
7.
A football coach walked into the locker room before a game,
looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to
let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there.
So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you
get it right, you can play."
The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes
intently and asks, "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me
the answer to this. What is two plus two?"
The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?"
"Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it
right.
At that, all the other players on the team began screaming,
"Come on coach, give him another chance!"
8.
At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are
hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very
easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth"
even when you don't know anything.
The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted
by his mother at the front door he says, "I know the whole
truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just
don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from
work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The
father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a
word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day,
when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets
him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman drops
the mail, opens his arms and says, "Then come give your
FATHER a big hug."
9>
A Frenchman, an Italian and an American were sitting in a bar discussing
sex. "Last night I made love to my wife three times" boasted the
Frenchman. "She was in sheer ecstasy this morning..."
The Italian said: "Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times, and
this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never
love another man."
When the American remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, "And how
many times did you make love to your wife last night?"
"Once." he replied.
"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to
you this morning?" he asked.
"Don't stop."
10.
A group of girlfriends are on vacation when they see a five-story hotel
with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their
boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explain to them how it works. "We
have five floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are
looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor
has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up, and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the
men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh, and without
hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and
handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are
tall and plain."
They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors
left, they kept going.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and
handsome." The women get excited and are about to go in when they
realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are
missing, they head up to the fifth floor.
There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor
was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
11.
When Does God Cry ?
Saddam Hussain visits God and asks him: " God when shall I see the
defeat of Bill Clinton."
God replies: " Son, you will not see it in your lifetime."
Hearing this, Saddam Hussain starts crying and goes away.
Gen Parvez Musharaff visits God and asks him: " God when shall I see
the capture of Kashmir by Pakistan."
God replies: " Son, you will not see it in your lifetime."
Hearing this, Gen Parvez Musharaff starts crying and goes away.
Laaloo Yadav visits God and asks him: " God when shall I see Bihar
becoming a prosperous and happy state."
Hearing this, God starts crying.
Laaloo is astounded and asks: " God, why are you crying ? "
God replies: " Son, I will not see it in my lifetime "
12.
> A new lecturer was unable to control the class.
> The guys were just talking without giving any attention to him. So he
> wanted
> to send a guy who was creating most of the problem out. But he does n't
> know
> how to put it in English..
>
> So he went near the guy and shouted "follow me".
> The guy followed him till he went out of the class. Now the lecturer turned
> back and shouted "Don't follow me" and went inside the class..........
> # Inside the Class :
> ----------------
> * Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
> * Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
> *
>
> Cut an apple into two halves - take the bigger half.
> *
>
> Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away in the corridor
> *
>
> You, meet me behind the class. (meaning AFTER the class .. )
> *
>
> Both of u three, get out of the class.
>
> * Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today ...
> *
>
> Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.....
> *
>
> Take 5 cm wire of any length....
>
>
>
> # About his family :
> ----------------
> * I have two daughters. Both of them are girls...(?)
>
>
>
> # At the ground :
> -------------
> * All of you, stand in a straight circle.
> *
>
> There is no wind in the balloon.
>
>
>
> # To a boy, angrily :
> -----------------
> * I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk ?
>
>
>
> # Giving a punishment :
> -------------------
> * You, rotate the ground four times...
> *
>
> You, go and under-stand the tree...
> *
>
> You three of you, stand together separately.
> *
>
> Why are you late - say YES or NO ....(?)
>
>
> # Sir at his best :
> ---------------
> Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to see
> one
> of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did not see them. So the next
> day
> at school... ( to that boy ) - " Yesterday I saw you WITH MY WIFE at the
> Cinema Theatre
13.
Three Cheers for the Madness called Pakistan !!!
If an insect falls into a mug of beer, what would people do?
An Englishman would leave his mug of beer untouched and walk away.
An American would take the insect out and drink the beer any way.
A Chinese would eat the insect and throw away the beer.
An Indian would sell the insect to the Chinese and the beer to the
American and buy himself a fresh mug of beer.
A Pakistani would accuse the Indian intelligence agency of throwing
the insect into his beer, Relate the issue to Kashmir and ask for
UN mediation,demand for Chinese military aid, take a loan from the American to buy a fresh
pint of beer, chuck it away, swear by Osama Bin Ladin, yell for
Jihad against India and charge all dark-skinned passerbies with being
traitorous Bangladeshis!!
14.
Just after Pakistan got their new Chinese fighter planes, they sent
a squadron of their best pilots to China for training. "Ok, this one
is
easy to fly", said the Chinese instructor, "even you fools should
be able to operate it! You press this button to go up, this one to go left
and
this one for turning right! Simple! Got it??"
"But how do we come down?" asked Capt. Altaf Pasha, the Top Gun of
Pakistan. "Oh that," said the Chinese, "don't worry! Just leave it
to
the Indian Air Force!"
15.
Ashraf, a Pakistani went to London's Heathrow airport to buy his
ticket back home to Rawalpindi. At the counter he found that he was
10pence
short of the fare. Having no other way out, he turned to all the
other passengers and begged.... "Will someone please give me 10
pence?I
badly want to go back and meet my Abba and Ammi again!"
"Here" said a nearby Indian, reaching into his wallet and handing
himawhole Pound "..
"please keep the change and take another nine of your countrymen
with you!"
16.Subject: Fw: Poor Clinton!!!!
A reporter asked Clinton one day. "Was Monica lying?"
Clinton responded by saying. "No, she was only on her knees."
************
Q: Why does Hillary want to have sex
with Bill every
day at 5 am?
A: She wants to make sure that she is
the first
lady.
*************
Q: What is the difference between
Clinton and the
Titanic? A: Only 200 women
went down on the Titanic.
*****************
One Sunday morning Chelsea burst into the living quarters at the White House and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great
news for you!
I am getting married to
the greatest hunk in Washington. He
lives in
Georgetown and his name is
Matt." After dinner, the President took
Chelsea
aside. "Honey, I have to
talk with you. Your mother and I have
been married a
long time. She's a
wonderful wife but she's never offered
much
excitement in the bedroom, so I
used to fool around with women a lot.
Matt is
actually your half-brother,
and I'm afraid you can't marry him."
Chelsea was
heartbroken. After eight
months, she eventually started dating
again. A year
later she came home and
very proudly announced, "Robert asked me
to marry
him! We're getting married
in June." Again her father insisted on
another
private conversation and
broke the sad news. "Robert is your
half-brother
too, honey. I'm awfully
sorry about this." Chelsea was furious!
She finally
decided to go to her
mother with the news. "Dad has done so
much harm. I
guess I'm never going to
get married," she complained. "Every
time I fall in
love, Dad tells me the
guy is my half- brother." Hillary just
shook her
head. "Don't pay any
attention to what he says, dear. He's
not really
your father."
**********************
Women in Washington DC were asked if
they would have
sex with the President.
86% said "Not again."
******************
Hillary Clinton died and went to
Heaven. St. Peter
was giving her a tour
of
Heaven when she noticed that there were
thousands
of clocks on the wall.
Each clock displayed a different time
of day. When
she asked St. Peter
about the clocks, he replied, "We have
a clock for
each person on earth
and
every time they tell a lie the hands
move. The
clock ticks off one-second
each time a lie is told.
" Special attention was given to two
clocks. The
clock belonging to Mother
Teresa has never moved, indicating that
she never
told a lie. The clock
for
Abraham Lincoln has only moved twice.
He only told
two lies in his life.
Hillary asked, "Where is Bills' clock?"
St.Peter
replied, "Jesus has it in
His office...He's using it as a ceiling
fan."
***************
President Clinton and the Pope died on
the same
day, and due to an
administrative foul up, Clinton was sent
to heaven
and the Pope was sent to
hell. The Pope explained the situation
to the devil,
he checked out all of
the paperwork, and the error was
acknowledged. The
Pope was told, however,
that it would take about 24 hours to fix
the problem
and correct the error.
The next day, the Pope was called in and
the devil
said his good-byes as he
went off to heaven. On his way up, he
met Clinton
who was on his way down.
They stopped to chat. "Sorry about the
mix up" says
the Pope. "No problem,"
replies Clinton. pope says "Well, I'm
really excited
about going to heaven."
Clinton asks, "Why's that?" "Well, I've
wanted to meet the Virgin
Mary." President Clinton replies,
"you're a day
late".
17.
While waiting for a bus a sardar sees a truck being towed away by another
truck.
He laughs, breaks down, rolls on the ground and cannot control his
laughter.
There is a madrasi who is standing with the sardar for the bus.
He wonders what's up ? Calls sardar, but sardar cannot control himself,
points at the towing truck & again rolls on the ground, billowing more
dust.
The madrasi appa is annoyed, pulls up sardar asks him what is so funny ?
The sardar says "Kya zamana aa gaya hai, Ek rassi uthane ke liya
do-doTruck"
and again starts rolling.......
18.
Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! PART I
A telephone company fired their president after nine months,
saying he lacked "intellectual leadership". He received a $26
million severance package. Perhaps it's not the president who's
lacking intelligence...
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to
subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home.
After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that
the man was standing beside them, shouting to please come out
and give himself up...
An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist
and forced him to drive to two different automated teller
machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from
his own bank accounts...
A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day
suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last
week - for a mint! The boy allegedly told a classmate that the
mints would make him "jump higher." Also, a student in Belle,
West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a
classmate a cough drop. The school principal reiterated the
school's "zero-tolerance" policy...not to be confused with
the "zero-intelligence" policy...
A man in Taormina, Italy was hospitalized after swallowing 46
teaspoons, 2 cigarette lighters, and a pair of salad tongs.
A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas convenience store and
asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the
take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked
the counter himself for three hours until police showed up
and grabbed him.
Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! PART II
In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into
a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his
forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to
help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen.
Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-
inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill
and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.
More than 600 people in Italy wanted to ride in a spaceship
badly enough to pay $10,000 a piece for the first tourist
flight to Mars. According to the Italian police, the would-be
space travelers were told to spend their next vacation on
Mars, amid the splendors of ruined temples and painted
deserts. Ride a Martian camel from oasis to oasis and enjoy
the incredible Martian sunsets. Explore mysterious canals and
marvel at the views. Trips to the moon also available.
"Authorities believe that the con men running this scam made
off with over six million dollars.
In Medford, Oregon, a 27-year-old jobless man with an MBA
blamed his college degree for his murder of three people.
"There are too many business grads out there," he said. "If I
had chosen another field, all this may not have happened."
Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! PART III
Los Angeles Police lucked out with a robbery suspect who just
couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives
asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me
all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not
what I said!"
A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a
dye pack designed to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-
of-the-Looms. The robber apparently stuffed the loot down the
front of his pants as he was running out the door. "He was
seen hopping and jumping around," said a police spokesman,
"with an explosion taking place inside his pants." Police
have the man's charred trousers in custody.
A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant
and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!"
In Modesto, CA, A man was arrested for trying to hold up a
bank without a weapon. He used a thumb and a finger to
simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand
in his pocket. Wonder what he uses for a knife?
19.
A guy was typing away at his home computer, when his six- year-old daughter sneaked up behind him.
Suddenly, she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family, "I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!"
"What is it?" her sisters asked eagerly.
Proudly she replied, "Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!"
20.
One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her
mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something
that I didn't do."
The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have
a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it
that you didn't do?"
The little girl replied, "My homework."
21.
A well-dressed businessman got into a Manhattan cab and asked to be taken to LaGuardia airport. While stuck in traffic, the businessman leaned forward and said, "How's your spirit of adventure?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I have to be in Chicago for a meeting, but the thought of flying there just bores me. Why not drive me there? The meeting will last only an hour. I'll pay the gas, tolls, your hotel room, meals, and then you can drive me back tomorrow."
The driver said, "Sure, why not?!" and off they went.
They motored through Jersey, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, and finally into Chicago. The businessman did his meeting (while the cabbie waited) came out, got back into the cab and they took off to the hotel. They shared a huge meal, the businessman paid for two rooms. The next morning, they took off back towards Manhattan. When they arrived, the meter read $4,625.80.
When they got back to the businessman's office in Manhattan, the man told the cabbie, "Let me go in the bank here and I'll get you a certified check. I'll make it for $5,050 so you'll get a sizable tip for your service."
"Great," the cab driver said, "Thanks."
"One last thing. When I give you the check, I'd like you to drive me home, please. I'm extremely tired."
"Where do you live?"
"Brooklyn."
"No way! I'd have to drive back over the Tri-Boro Bridge without a passenger!"
22.
Subject: Divorce
A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local
court. But the
custody of their child posed a problem.
The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the
judge that since she had brought the child into this
world, she should retain custody of him.
The man also wanted custody of his child. The judge
asked for his side
of the story too.
After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his
chair and replied "Judge, when I put a dollar in a
vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi
belong to me or to the machine?"
23.
Woman in a pub
A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.
She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his
face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his
beard which is full and bushy. "Are you the manager?" she asks,
softly stroking his face with both hands." "Actually, no" he
replies. "Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks,
running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is
there anything I can do?" "Yes there is. I need you to give him a
message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his
mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him" she says
"that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room."
24.
Computer Diagnosis
One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess
I should see a doctor.
" His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug
store that can diagnose
anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor." "Simply put in a sample of
your urine and the
computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about
it. It only costs $10."
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine
sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in
the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some
noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out
popped a small slip of paper on which was
printed:
You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water.
Avoid heavy lifting.
It will be better in two weeks.
Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was
and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if
this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed
together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples
from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the
concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made he
usual noise and printed out the following message:
Your tap water is too hard.
Get a water softener.
Your dog has worms.
Get him vitamins.
Your daughter is using cocaine.
Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
Your wife is pregnant with twin girls.
They aren't yours.
Get a lawyer.
And if you dont stop jerking off, your
tennis elbow will never get better
25.
Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office. "What is the meaning of this?" the director asked. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held."
"Well," the young man replied, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination
26.
Matt's dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part.
Matt enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years."
"That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."
27.
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So, why's the groom wearing black?"
28.
Are you considering having children? To determine whether you are truly prepared for the experience, we suggest you take this set of simple tests... PART II
FEEDING TEST:
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.
NIGHT TEST:
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for five years. Look cheerful.
PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN):
Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10% of the beans.
PHYSICAL TEST (MEN):
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.
FINAL ASSIGNMENT:
Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.
29.
Pak blunders
Make sure that u don't dress green!>
Three Cheers for the Madness called Pakistan !!!
If an insect falls into a mug of beer, what would people do?>
An Englishman would leave his mug of beer untouched and walk away.>
An American would take the insect out and drink the beer any way.>
A Chinese would eat the insect and throw away the beer.>
An Indian would sell the insect to the Chinese and the beer to the
American and buy himself a fresh mug of beer.>
A Pakistani would accuse the Indian intelligence agency of throwing
the insect into his beer, Relate the issue to Kashmir and ask for
UN mediation,demand for Chinese military aid, take a loan from the American to buy a fresh
pint of beer, chuck it away, swear by Osama Bin Ladin, yell for
Jihad against India and charge all dark-skinned passerbies with
being traitorous Bangladeshis!!
===============================================================
A Pakistani news editor got a 20-year jail sentence for calling the
Pakistani Prime Minister a fool. Five years for the scandal and
fifteen for revealing a state secret
===============================================================
Have you heard about a Pakistani War hero ?> Neither has Pakistan.
===============================================================
Ashraf, a Pakistani went to London's Heathrow airport to buy his
ticket back home to Rawalpindi. At the counter he found that he was
10pence
short of the fare. Having no other way out, he turned to all the
other passengers and begged.... "Will someone please give me 10
pence?I
badly want to go back and meet my Abba and Ammi again!"
"Here" said a nearby Indian, reaching into his wallet and handing
himawhole Pound "..
"please keep the change and take another nine of your countrymen
with you!"
===============================================================
Just after Pakistan got their new Chinese fighter planes, they sent
a squadron of their best pilots to China for training. "Ok, this one
is
easy to fly", said the Chinese instructor, "even you fools should
beable to operate it! You press this button to go up, this one to go left
and
this one for turning right! Simple! Got it??"
"But how do we come down?" asked Capt. Altaf Pasha, the Top Gun of
Pakistan. "Oh that," said the Chinese, "don't worry! Just leave it
to
the Indian Air Force!"
=====================================================================
Why Pakis couldn't conduct nuclear tests before the India's nuclear
tests? cause they took time to read the "Nuclear tests Manual". It was
written
in Chinese.
************************
FRIEND
A man died and reached a strange but pleasant place.
There he met his pet dog who had died many years
back.
They were very happy to see each other. The dog was overjoyed and jumped
around and licked
the
man to express his emotions. The man too, responded
with love and tenderness. Together they began their
onward journey. The man wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall
along one side of the road. It looked like fine
marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed
in the sunlight. When he
was standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate at
the arch that looked like mother of pearl, and the
street that led to the gate looked like pure gold.
He
and the dog walked towards the gate, and as he got
closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he
was close enough, he called out,
"Excuse me, where are we ?" " This is Heaven, sir," the man answered. "Wow
! Would you happen to have some water ?" the man asked. "Of
course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice
water brought right up." the man gestured, and the
gate began to open. "Can my friend," gesturing
toward
his dog, "come in too ?" the traveler asked. "I'm
sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets." The man thought a moment and then turned
back toward the road
and continued on the way he had been going.
After another long walk, and at the top of another
long hill, he came to a dirt road which led through
a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed.
There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside,
leaning against a tree and reading a book.
"Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have
any
water ?" "Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there."
The man pointed to a place that couldn't be seen from
outside the gate. "Come on in." "How about my friend, here ?" the traveler
gestured to
the dog. "There should be a bowl by the pump." They
went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an
old fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The
traveler filled the bowl, took a long drink himself,
then he gave some to the dog. When they were full,
he
and the dog walked back toward the man, who was
standing by a tree, waiting for them. "What do you call this place ?" the
traveler asked. "This is Heaven," was the answer. "Well, that's confusing,"
the traveler said. "The
man
down the road said that was Heaven, too." "Oh, you mean the place with the
gold street and
pearly gates ? Nope, that's Hell." "Doesn't it make you mad for them to use
your name
like that?" "No, I can see how you might think so, but we're
just
happy that they screen out the folks who'll leave
their best friends behind."
There he met his pet dog who had died many years
back.
They were very happy to see each other. The dog was overjoyed and jumped
around and licked
the
man to express his emotions. The man too, responded
with love and tenderness. Together they began their
onward journey. The man wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall
along one side of the road. It looked like fine
marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed
in the sunlight. When he
was standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate at
the arch that looked like mother of pearl, and the
street that led to the gate looked like pure gold.
He
and the dog walked towards the gate, and as he got
closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he
was close enough, he called out,
"Excuse me, where are we ?" " This is Heaven, sir," the man answered. "Wow
! Would you happen to have some water ?" the man asked. "Of
course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice
water brought right up." the man gestured, and the
gate began to open. "Can my friend," gesturing
toward
his dog, "come in too ?" the traveler asked. "I'm
sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets." The man thought a moment and then turned
back toward the road
and continued on the way he had been going.
After another long walk, and at the top of another
long hill, he came to a dirt road which led through
a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed.
There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside,
leaning against a tree and reading a book.
"Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have
any
water ?" "Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there."
The man pointed to a place that couldn't be seen from
outside the gate. "Come on in." "How about my friend, here ?" the traveler
gestured to
the dog. "There should be a bowl by the pump." They
went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an
old fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The
traveler filled the bowl, took a long drink himself,
then he gave some to the dog. When they were full,
he
and the dog walked back toward the man, who was
standing by a tree, waiting for them. "What do you call this place ?" the
traveler asked. "This is Heaven," was the answer. "Well, that's confusing,"
the traveler said. "The
man
down the road said that was Heaven, too." "Oh, you mean the place with the
gold street and
pearly gates ? Nope, that's Hell." "Doesn't it make you mad for them to use
your name
like that?" "No, I can see how you might think so, but we're
just
happy that they screen out the folks who'll leave
their best friends behind."
The Mysterious thing called "LOVE"....
********************************************
| If you find yourself in love with someone who does not
| love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong
| with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other
| person's heart.
| If you find someone else in love with you and you don't
| love him/her, feel honored that love came and called at your
| door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not
| take advantage, do not cause pain.
| How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all
| our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives
| and ways are different.
| If you fall in love with another, and he/she falls in
| love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to
| reclaim it or to assess blame, let it go. There is a reason
| and there is a meaning. You will know in time.
| Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All
| you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it
| comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to
| overflowing, then reach out and give it away.
| Love always has been and always will be a mystery.
| Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.
"If you want to be happy, be." ---- Leo Tolstoy
| If you find yourself in love with someone who does not
| love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong
| with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other
| person's heart.
| If you find someone else in love with you and you don't
| love him/her, feel honored that love came and called at your
| door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not
| take advantage, do not cause pain.
| How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all
| our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives
| and ways are different.
| If you fall in love with another, and he/she falls in
| love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to
| reclaim it or to assess blame, let it go. There is a reason
| and there is a meaning. You will know in time.
| Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All
| you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it
| comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to
| overflowing, then reach out and give it away.
| Love always has been and always will be a mystery.
| Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.
"If you want to be happy, be." ---- Leo Tolstoy
girl friend and boy friend
read on....esp the essay part....
|
| boy meets girl...
|
| .@@@@@, @@@@@,
| |:`66|_ @@@@@@@@,
| C` _) aa`@@@@@@
| \ ._| (_ ?@@@@
| ) / =' @@@@"
| /`\\ \(```
| || |Y| //`\
| || |.| / | ||
| || |.| \ | ||
| || |.| \| ||
| :| |=: |_|\
| ||_|,| |_| \
| \)))|| ((( |
| | || |____|
| | || |____|
| )) | ||
| | || | ||
| | || | ||
| |_||__ /~))
| (____)) /_/YY
|
| boy and girl fall in love...
|
| /:""| .@@@@@,
| (\/) |:`66|_ @@@@@@@@,
| \/ C` _)aa`@@@@@@
| \ ._| (_ ?@@@@
| ) / =' @@@@"
| /`\\ \(```
| || |Y| //`\
| || |.| / | || (\/)
| || |.| \ | || \/
| || |.| \| ||
| :| |=: |_|\
| ||_|,| |_| \
| \)))|| ((( |
| (\/) | || |____|
| \/ | || |____|
| )) | ||
| | || | ||
| | || | ||
| |_||__ /~))
| (____)) /_/YY
|
| boy and girl "tie the knot..."
|
| /:""| .****,
| (\/) |:`66|_ @@@@@\ `,
| \/ C` _)aa`@@@\ \
| \ ._| (_ ?@@| \
| )_/ =' @@@@| |
| /`\8\ \(```/ |
| || |8| /??\ | /
| || |8| /\::/|| |
| || |8| \ | ||| \
| || |~| \| ||| \
| :| |=: |:|\\.:.:.::.
| ||_|,| |:| \ ':':':`
| \)))|| ((( |
| | :|| | | (\/)
| | :|| | | \/
| ) :|| | \
| | :|| | `\
| | :|| |:.:. `~-._
| |_:||_ /~))\ `~~-._
| (_,__)) /_/YY `':':':':':':`
|
| boy and girl are soon to become parents...
| (boy goes off to work)
|
| /:""| .@@@@@,
| |:`66|_ @@@@@@@@,
| C` _) aa`@@@@@@
| \ ._| (_ ?@@@@
| ) / =' @@@@"
| /`\\ \(```
| || |Y| //`\
| || |a| / | ||
| || |a| \ | ||
| || |a| / | ||
| :| |=: / |_|\
| ||_|,| | |_| \
| \)))|| \ ((( |
| |~~~`-`~~~| `\ |
| | | |____|
| |_________| | ||
| |_________| | ||
| | || | ||
| |_||__ /~))
| (____)) /_/YY
|
|boy and girl and baby make three...and another on the way...
| (boy loses hair, girl gains fuzzy slippers)
|
| /:""| .@@@@@,
| |:`66|_ @@@@@@@@,
| C _) aa`@@@@@@
| \ ._| (_ ?@@@@
| ) / =' @@@@"
| /`\\ \(```
| || |Y| //`\ ."~~~~~".
| || |a| / | || | (o<) |
| || |a| \ | || | /a a\ | A
| || |a| / | || _|_\ O /_|_|~|
| :| |=: / | |\ 8)___`"`___(|_|
| ||_|,| | |_| \ |~~~~~~~~~|
| \)))|| | ((( | \_________/
| |~~~`-`~~~| `~\~~~~~~| |/ /_\ \|
| | | `\ / ()/___\()
| |_________| ( || ||~~~~~||
| |_________| | || || ||
| | || | || || ||
| |_||__ __|_|| ||_____||
| (____)) (:;:;)) ||-----||
|
|boy and girl and their 2.4 children...
|(boy loses more hair - still working, girl still in fuzzy
|slippers)
|
| /:""| .@@@@@,
| |: 66|_ @@@@@@@@,
| C _) aa`@@@@@@
| \ ._| (_ ?@@@@
| ) / =' @@@@"
| /`\\ \(```
| || |Y| //`\ ."~~~~~".
| || |a| / | || | .:. |
| || |a| \ | || A | /6 6\ |
| || |a| / | || |~|_|_\ e /_|_ .@@@@,
| :| |=: / | |\ |_|)___`"`___(8 aa`@@@,
| ||_|,| | |_| \ |~~~~~~~~~| = `@@@
| \)))|| | ((( | \_________/ )_/`@'
| |~~~`-`~~~| `~\~~~~~~| |/ /_\ \| / || @
| | | `\ / ()/___\() | || @
| |_________| ( || ||~~~~~|| /~|| "`
| |_________| | || || || /__W_\
| | || | || || || |||
| |_||__ __|_|| ||_____|| _|||
| (____)) (:;:;)) ||-----|| (___))
|
|boy and girl and their growing family...
|(boy loses more hair, gains paunch...girl becomes more
|"shapely")
|
| /:`"| .@@@@@,
| |: 66|_ @@@@@@@@,
| C _) aa`@@@@@@
| \ ._| (_ ?@@@@
| ) / =' @@@@"
| /`\\ \(``` @@@@@,
| || |Y| //`\ ."~~~~~". aa`@@@@,
| || |a| / | || | .@. | (_ ?@@@
| || |a\ \ | || | /e e\ | A = @@@@
| || | a| | | || 0 0_|_\ - /_|_|~| )_@@@"
| :| |==: | | |\ ("))___`"`___(|_| /. |@@
|
|boy and girl have grown children
|and have earned that "middle-age spread"
|(boy loses even more hair, gains more weight girls gets
|even more "shapelier"...and they're still in love!)
|
|
| ":::\
| /```| .@@@@@, ,,,, 66 :::|
| |` 66|_ @@@@@@@@, @@@@@@, (_ ':D
| C _) aa`@@@@@@ aa @@@@, |_, /
| (\/) \ ._| (_ ?@@@@ (_ ?@@@@ \__(
| \/ ) / =' @@@@" =' @@@@" //`\\ @@@@
| /`\\ \_(``` ) @@@" | | || ee"@@
| /| |Y| /``\ /-'@@@, | |_|| (_`D
| | | |a| / | || / / \@@@ | | || |_ /
| | | | a\ \ | || \ | |@@@ | | || \_(
| | | | a| / | || || |@@" |-| |< / \
| :=| |===: / | | \ || |@" ||(((| | ||
| | |_|, / | |_| \ ||=|\ ||_:_/ | ||
| \)))|| | ((( | |((( \ || | | ||
| |~~~`-`~~~| \~~~~~~~| |____/ || | |_||
| | | \ / || / (( | | `W
| |_________| (( | (( | || | || |
| |_________| || | || | || | || |
| | || || | || | ||=| || |
| |_||__ ||__| //??) __||_| _||_|
| (____)) ((____) ((_/Y ((_____)((____)
|
| boy and girl alone again...
|
| 8 8
| 8 /```| .@@@@@, 8
| 8 | 66|_ @@@@@@@@, 8 (\/)
| 8 C _) aa`@@@@@@ 8 \/
| 8(\/) \ ._| (_ ?@@@@ 8
| |8:\/:~:~) /:~:~: =' @@@@~:~:~8
| |8::::::/\\/`\;_:::\ (__::::::8
| |8:::::| \ '|___/` \\// `\):::8
| |8::::|| | '|::/ / ?? \ \:::8
| |8::::|| | ' \:| \__/\__/ |:::8
| |8o:::|\ \ ' |:\_\ /_/::::8o
| |"8o:::=\ \===::/`\`%%`/'\::::"8o
| |\"8o~| \_\ \| `""` |:~:~\8o
| \ \"8o\ ))) \ \::::"8o
| \ \"8o\`. \ \ \::::"8o
| \|~~~~~| -|| -|mmmmmmmmmmmm~~~~~|
| `~~~~~| || |~~| |~| |~~~~~~
| | || | |__| |__|
| | || | \ | \ |
| |__||__| (~~??\(~~??\
| ( \ \ `-._)`-._)
| `-._)-._)
|
| ... and they lived happily ever after!
|
|
| The Mysterious thing called "LOVE"....
|
| If you find yourself in love with someone who does not
| love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong
| with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other
| person's heart.
|
| If you find someone else in love with you and you don't
| love him/her, feel honored that love came and called at your
| door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not
| take advantage, do not cause pain.
|
| How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all
| our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives
| and ways are different.
|
| If you fall in love with another, and he/she falls in
| love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to
| reclaim it or to assess blame, let it go. There is a reason
| and there is a meaning. You will know in time.
|
| Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All
| you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it
| comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to
| overflowing, then reach out and give it away.
|
|
|
| Love always has been and always will be a mystery.
| Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.
"If you want to be happy, be." ---- Leo Tolstoy
|
| boy meets girl...
|
| .@@@@@, @@@@@,
| |:`66|_ @@@@@@@@,
| C` _) aa`@@@@@@
| \ ._| (_ ?@@@@
| ) / =' @@@@"
| /`\\ \(```
| || |Y| //`\
| || |.| / | ||
| || |.| \ | ||
| || |.| \| ||
| :| |=: |_|\
| ||_|,| |_| \
| \)))|| ((( |
| | || |____|
| | || |____|
| )) | ||
| | || | ||
| | || | ||
| |_||__ /~))
| (____)) /_/YY
|
| boy and girl fall in love...
|
| /:""| .@@@@@,
| (\/) |:`66|_ @@@@@@@@,
| \/ C` _)aa`@@@@@@
| \ ._| (_ ?@@@@
| ) / =' @@@@"
| /`\\ \(```
| || |Y| //`\
| || |.| / | || (\/)
| || |.| \ | || \/
| || |.| \| ||
| :| |=: |_|\
| ||_|,| |_| \
| \)))|| ((( |
| (\/) | || |____|
| \/ | || |____|
| )) | ||
| | || | ||
| | || | ||
| |_||__ /~))
| (____)) /_/YY
|
| boy and girl "tie the knot..."
|
| /:""| .****,
| (\/) |:`66|_ @@@@@\ `,
| \/ C` _)aa`@@@\ \
| \ ._| (_ ?@@| \
| )_/ =' @@@@| |
| /`\8\ \(```/ |
| || |8| /??\ | /
| || |8| /\::/|| |
| || |8| \ | ||| \
| || |~| \| ||| \
| :| |=: |:|\\.:.:.::.
| ||_|,| |:| \ ':':':`
| \)))|| ((( |
| | :|| | | (\/)
| | :|| | | \/
| ) :|| | \
| | :|| | `\
| | :|| |:.:. `~-._
| |_:||_ /~))\ `~~-._
| (_,__)) /_/YY `':':':':':':`
|
| boy and girl are soon to become parents...
| (boy goes off to work)
|
| /:""| .@@@@@,
| |:`66|_ @@@@@@@@,
| C` _) aa`@@@@@@
| \ ._| (_ ?@@@@
| ) / =' @@@@"
| /`\\ \(```
| || |Y| //`\
| || |a| / | ||
| || |a| \ | ||
| || |a| / | ||
| :| |=: / |_|\
| ||_|,| | |_| \
| \)))|| \ ((( |
| |~~~`-`~~~| `\ |
| | | |____|
| |_________| | ||
| |_________| | ||
| | || | ||
| |_||__ /~))
| (____)) /_/YY
|
|boy and girl and baby make three...and another on the way...
| (boy loses hair, girl gains fuzzy slippers)
|
| /:""| .@@@@@,
| |:`66|_ @@@@@@@@,
| C _) aa`@@@@@@
| \ ._| (_ ?@@@@
| ) / =' @@@@"
| /`\\ \(```
| || |Y| //`\ ."~~~~~".
| || |a| / | || | (o<) |
| || |a| \ | || | /a a\ | A
| || |a| / | || _|_\ O /_|_|~|
| :| |=: / | |\ 8)___`"`___(|_|
| ||_|,| | |_| \ |~~~~~~~~~|
| \)))|| | ((( | \_________/
| |~~~`-`~~~| `~\~~~~~~| |/ /_\ \|
| | | `\ / ()/___\()
| |_________| ( || ||~~~~~||
| |_________| | || || ||
| | || | || || ||
| |_||__ __|_|| ||_____||
| (____)) (:;:;)) ||-----||
|
|boy and girl and their 2.4 children...
|(boy loses more hair - still working, girl still in fuzzy
|slippers)
|
| /:""| .@@@@@,
| |: 66|_ @@@@@@@@,
| C _) aa`@@@@@@
| \ ._| (_ ?@@@@
| ) / =' @@@@"
| /`\\ \(```
| || |Y| //`\ ."~~~~~".
| || |a| / | || | .:. |
| || |a| \ | || A | /6 6\ |
| || |a| / | || |~|_|_\ e /_|_ .@@@@,
| :| |=: / | |\ |_|)___`"`___(8 aa`@@@,
| ||_|,| | |_| \ |~~~~~~~~~| = `@@@
| \)))|| | ((( | \_________/ )_/`@'
| |~~~`-`~~~| `~\~~~~~~| |/ /_\ \| / || @
| | | `\ / ()/___\() | || @
| |_________| ( || ||~~~~~|| /~|| "`
| |_________| | || || || /__W_\
| | || | || || || |||
| |_||__ __|_|| ||_____|| _|||
| (____)) (:;:;)) ||-----|| (___))
|
|boy and girl and their growing family...
|(boy loses more hair, gains paunch...girl becomes more
|"shapely")
|
| /:`"| .@@@@@,
| |: 66|_ @@@@@@@@,
| C _) aa`@@@@@@
| \ ._| (_ ?@@@@
| ) / =' @@@@"
| /`\\ \(``` @@@@@,
| || |Y| //`\ ."~~~~~". aa`@@@@,
| || |a| / | || | .@. | (_ ?@@@
| || |a\ \ | || | /e e\ | A = @@@@
| || | a| | | || 0 0_|_\ - /_|_|~| )_@@@"
| :| |==: | | |\ ("))___`"`___(|_| /. |@@
|
|boy and girl have grown children
|and have earned that "middle-age spread"
|(boy loses even more hair, gains more weight girls gets
|even more "shapelier"...and they're still in love!)
|
|
| ":::\
| /```| .@@@@@, ,,,, 66 :::|
| |` 66|_ @@@@@@@@, @@@@@@, (_ ':D
| C _) aa`@@@@@@ aa @@@@, |_, /
| (\/) \ ._| (_ ?@@@@ (_ ?@@@@ \__(
| \/ ) / =' @@@@" =' @@@@" //`\\ @@@@
| /`\\ \_(``` ) @@@" | | || ee"@@
| /| |Y| /``\ /-'@@@, | |_|| (_`D
| | | |a| / | || / / \@@@ | | || |_ /
| | | | a\ \ | || \ | |@@@ | | || \_(
| | | | a| / | || || |@@" |-| |< / \
| :=| |===: / | | \ || |@" ||(((| | ||
| | |_|, / | |_| \ ||=|\ ||_:_/ | ||
| \)))|| | ((( | |((( \ || | | ||
| |~~~`-`~~~| \~~~~~~~| |____/ || | |_||
| | | \ / || / (( | | `W
| |_________| (( | (( | || | || |
| |_________| || | || | || | || |
| | || || | || | ||=| || |
| |_||__ ||__| //??) __||_| _||_|
| (____)) ((____) ((_/Y ((_____)((____)
|
| boy and girl alone again...
|
| 8 8
| 8 /```| .@@@@@, 8
| 8 | 66|_ @@@@@@@@, 8 (\/)
| 8 C _) aa`@@@@@@ 8 \/
| 8(\/) \ ._| (_ ?@@@@ 8
| |8:\/:~:~) /:~:~: =' @@@@~:~:~8
| |8::::::/\\/`\;_:::\ (__::::::8
| |8:::::| \ '|___/` \\// `\):::8
| |8::::|| | '|::/ / ?? \ \:::8
| |8::::|| | ' \:| \__/\__/ |:::8
| |8o:::|\ \ ' |:\_\ /_/::::8o
| |"8o:::=\ \===::/`\`%%`/'\::::"8o
| |\"8o~| \_\ \| `""` |:~:~\8o
| \ \"8o\ ))) \ \::::"8o
| \ \"8o\`. \ \ \::::"8o
| \|~~~~~| -|| -|mmmmmmmmmmmm~~~~~|
| `~~~~~| || |~~| |~| |~~~~~~
| | || | |__| |__|
| | || | \ | \ |
| |__||__| (~~??\(~~??\
| ( \ \ `-._)`-._)
| `-._)-._)
|
| ... and they lived happily ever after!
|
|
| The Mysterious thing called "LOVE"....
|
| If you find yourself in love with someone who does not
| love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong
| with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other
| person's heart.
|
| If you find someone else in love with you and you don't
| love him/her, feel honored that love came and called at your
| door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not
| take advantage, do not cause pain.
|
| How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all
| our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives
| and ways are different.
|
| If you fall in love with another, and he/she falls in
| love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to
| reclaim it or to assess blame, let it go. There is a reason
| and there is a meaning. You will know in time.
|
| Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All
| you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it
| comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to
| overflowing, then reach out and give it away.
|
|
|
| Love always has been and always will be a mystery.
| Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.
"If you want to be happy, be." ---- Leo Tolstoy
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